


To Hell With It

by 21penmanships



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Original Character(s), Rebirth, Taking care of your younger self, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, adopting kids
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23324650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/21penmanships/pseuds/21penmanships
Summary: Life hated me from the start, and death hated me just as much. (SI-OC)
Relationships: Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Nara Shikamaru/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 172





	1. I Died... Right?

**Author's Note:**

> If you're familiar with this story, then I would like to clarify that this story is posted in FFN, Wattpad, Inkitt, and WebNovel.  
> Its chapters were majorly revised as of 03/26/2020.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Heaven is in Death, and Hell is in Life.  
_ _It means we all live in Hell and we all go to Heaven when we die.  
_ _But please stay with me just for another while._

* * *

**Prologue :**

_"It's no use" Dark eyes stared at me in frustration. He grits his teeth as he desperately thinks of ways to seal off Madara and the Juubi._

_Unconsciously, my fingers brushed along my pouch containing a very dangerous seal note. The action didn't escape his attention._

_He knew what was in that pouch. It was always there._

_And he was present when I asked Tsunade-shishou for permission to borrow the Forbidden Scroll._

_I was creating my own version of the dreaded Dead Demon Consuming Seal without needing the hand signs and hopefully without being consumed by the Shinigami. It's nowhere near finished and it honestly isn't going very well - but I'm desperate. The war needs to come to an end._

_"No" He grasped my hand with an equal amount of desperation that I have. "You'll die"_

_It was the truth._

_"Everyone here is prepared to die, Shikamaru" I whispered. "Even you"_

_"I'll think of a way," He says. Stress lines are prominent on his forehead._

_I reached out a hand, two fingers outstretched and placed it atop his forehead in a light poke; easing his frown. He glances at me in wonder and I could only give him a crooked grin._

_"Stop making that face," I said, "It makes me want to kiss you"_

_He was visibly startled and I could only chuckle at myself. "Momentarily distracting Shika from morbid thoughts, success!"_

_I stood up and was about to walk away when he said the words that made my heart skip and flutter despite the situation._

_"Why don't you do it then?"_

_Huh? I blinked back at him. "What?"_

_"Kiss me" The tips of his ears are visibly reddening._

_I couldn't help but chuckle at his embarrassment despite my own. How cute._

_I stepped closer to him and I notice him paying close attention to my movements. I sent him a teasing smile. "Are you sure about this?"_

_His eyes met mine and there was something in there that I can't describe as he breathed one word in response. "Yeah"_

_My smile faltered. My heart ached even though it should be leaping in joy. This guy who I had been in love with for years was now giving me a chance but I couldn't find myself feeling happy at all._

_Swallowing uncomfortably, I sighed before giving my best smile. "Well then, please excuse me"_

_I placed the palm of my right hand just below his left ear before slowly pulling him towards myself. He wrapped his strong yet gentle arms around my frame. I kissed him softly, just briefly. I thought that my heart would burst when I felt him respond. It was as soft and hesitant as mine is._

_Soon, we parted and I took a hesitant step back._

_"I'll go check on my team" I whispered before walking away, trying to pretend like nothing had happened._

* * *

I woke up with a gasp. A guttural scream raked at my throat as pain seem to explode in every cell in my body. I could feel people bustling around me, moving frantically. A few hands restrained me, pinning me on my back and preventing me to move.

_**It hurts!** _

Another scream escaped my lips before unconsciousness claimed me.

* * *

The last thing I remember before anything else had been me attempting to seal Madara using the ace up my sleeve. I don't know if I actually succeeded because the seal I used had rapidly drained me of chakra and everything else had been in a blurry mush.

When I woke up disoriented and hurting, I found myself in an unfamiliar place. Granted that being in a war, one will be sent to different battlefields and so as an unknown location, but the place that I woke up to wasn't a medical tent. It was a _house_ , of all places.

* * *

My name is Zen. But that is only a name I gave myself. Obviously, no family name. A Chunin specializing in Fuinjutsu and Iryu ninjutsu.

I was apprenticed to Senju Tsunade along with Haruno Sakura.

I was born to a single parent without a name. Raised and abandoned with no name to call my self.

But it's okay. That was fine with me. I was luckier than most kids my age that never had anything to begin with or had it worse than I did.

Life hated me from the start, and death hated me just as much.

Well, you see... This isn't my first run in life. I previously lived in another world before, where this world is nothing but a serialized fiction book. I died for the first time, and then I was reborn here in this world. Then I died for the second time and now I'm here; alive once more.

I died at the young age of 15 during the 4th Shinobi War attempting to seal off Madara. Based on my track record of failures, I probably utterly failed. As usual.

I was prepared to die either way, but then again, I woke up back where I suppose I started from.

And since Life likes to fuck me over, being reborn seems to be just the intro to their sick joke. Because standing in front of me is the woman of my nightmares... _**my mother**_. The one who had abandoned me all of those years ago.


	2. Rattled and Lost

_"When life gives you lemons, make an apple juice,  
_ _then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it"_

* * *

_The way she moves and the way she shows concern... It was completely foreign. I could only stare at her blankly as I couldn't process her concerned blabbering._

_Had she also been like this before and I hadn't just noticed?_

_No, it can't be._

_I was so young then, but I will never forget how unworthy I seem to be for her attention and affections._

_Was she only being like this because I am not... me?_

_"Oh Kami!" She further blabbers. "I've been rambling non-stop and here I am, still doesn't know your name"_

_If possible, my mind screeched to a halt. She's asking for my name? Funny how I didn't have one to begin with._

_"Zen" I finally mumbled, "My name is Zen"_

_"Zen, huh?" She smiles, "It's a beautiful name!"_

_I bit my lip when something unfamiliarly heavy bloomed in my chest._

_"Thanks"_

* * *

It took days before Hara (I refuse to call her my mother) deemed me healthy enough to leave her care. Not once in those days did she mention anything about a husband or a daughter. Her house was also devoid of any signs of having another person living in her abode.

But that is the least of my problems.

If her calendar is correct and was kept up to date regularly, then I can only conclude that had traveled to the past. _A past where I already exist in my younger years._

And according to Hara, her house is just outside of Tanigakure, a small Hidden Village in the Land of Rivers; a land in between the Land of Fire and Land of Wind. But since I do not possess even a single identification paper, I could not enter any Hidden Village - aside from Ame, of course; but then again, why would I want to go _there_ of all places?

In the end, I have decided to travel from town to town; simply enjoying these peaceful days. And since I came back to the past without any amount of pocket money (because seriously, what would you need money for in the battlefield?) I couldn't afford an inn. So I camped in the woods like the ninja I am.

Except currently, I am not.

I do not have any identification: no ID, no rank, and most especially... No hitai-ate.

As far as I could remember, I got my identifications when I came to the orphanage. But that was then, and this is now. My situation is infinitely different now.

* * *

Higher mission requests are hard to get when there are Hidden Villages everywhere, all that is available in some towns' mission boards are mere D-Ranks. But considering my situation, I can't exactly be picky. Money is money, after all.

* * *

It had been months now since I came to this timeline. This routine is starting to get boring. Doing D-Ranks like I'm some greenhorn Genin, sleeping in the forest and taking a bath in hot springs. _'I miss my apartment.'_ I internally groaned.

**"...Hehehehehe..."**

A shudder runs down my spine at the sound. I am currently in a hot spring and that creepy laugh could only mean one thing. _A pervert._

With a twitch of my finger, I sent a chakra thread to the source of the sound. With a deep breath, I sent a painful jolt of lightning. It's not my main element but the resounding yelp and round of curses were worth the drain, to say the least. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable right now is how familiar the voice sounded. But then again, not surprising because I am in the past.

* * *

Jiraiya was having the time of his life doing his favorite past time when all of a sudden, he felt a sudden painful jolt. It wasn't as painful as taking a high-class ninjutsu head-on but rather the feeling of running into a low-class lightning coated barrier.

He dreadfully peaked back to his hole and sighed in relief when the woman on the other side of the wall doesn't seem to have noticed him yet. Though the disappearance of the other women is disappointing, he can only appreciate that there is at least one of them left. Her back was to him, so he couldn't see her face. She's leaning on the edge of the hot spring and seems to deeply appreciate the calm atmosphere and hot water. 

His sharp hearing heard her sigh contentedly as she dipped lower in the hot water. He watched her for a few more minutes until she came back up. That is when he heard the unmistakable sound of a woman clearing her throat. Slowly looking back, he shuddered at the crowd of women menacingly looking at him. With a gulp, he bolted away from there, followed by angry women.

* * *

Jiraiya slumped on one of the stools in the pub. He was lucky that none of the angry women were ninjas or he'll have a harder time escaping from them.

He was listening in to people's conversations when he noticed an unfamiliar woman come in. She wore a tattered standard Konoha shirt and pants; though the insignia is hidden under an equally tattered open black long coat, Jiraiya knows a Konoha uniform when he saw one. She has ninja pouches strapped to her thighs and waist. Despite her clean skin, her clothes seemed to have been dragged on the ground. A peculiar sight, indeed.

Round brown eyes momentarily scanned the crowd before she proceeded to the mission board, which was coincidentally near Jiraiya. He watched her take in everything in sight. Jiraiya studied her further. Her gait is confident, her eyes alert, and her chakra concealed.

With her plain features (shoulder-length black hair, brown eyes, fairly tan skin, thin build), she could've blended in the crowd easily. Normal people would've dismissed her, but Jiraiya isn't normal. To him, she stood out. Even if he ignored her clothes, her silent footsteps and concealed chakra would've caught his attention easily.

Jiraiya watched her scan the mission board. With major mission requests being sent to the Hidden Villages, there is only so little you can choose from the board, and most of them are only D-Ranks. But then again, why would a Konoha ninja; who is in the Land of Fire, take her missions here and not from the village?

He heard her sigh and retreat from the board and completely leave the pub. Rising from his seat, he silently followed her. She left the town and continued to leisurely walk through the path in the forest.

"May I know why you're following me?" said a voice behind him. Turning around, Jiraiya is met with the woman he is indeed following. Her features annoyed but not angry enough to brandish any weapon in her person.

 _'Kage-bunshin?'_ Jiraiya is not stupid enough to turn his back on his possible opponent. So instead, he leveled her with a scrutinizing stare. Studying her further.

"Who are you?" He finally asked.

Zen knows that being a smart-ass and asking sarcastically would not give her any advantages, so she honestly replied: "Zen"

"I am Jiraiya" No theatrics involved, and that sent a glaring warning in Zen's mind. "And where are you from?" Jiraiya continued to ask.

"Nowhere" Straight-faced and direct, no indications of lies.

"Really?" Jiraiya's eyes narrowed. "Where'd you got the clothes?"

"Bought it" Zen's features remained bored. "Takumi Village in the Land of Rivers has quite an assortment of garments"

"I see..." Jiraiya didn't seem convinced. He scanned her appearance again and couldn't help but ask. "Are you a ninja?"

"No" She replied. _Well, not anymore anyway._ "May I know now why you're following me?"

"Ah..." Jiraiya cleared his throat, quickly thinking of something to say. And then it hit him, "Would you like to work for me?"

Momentarily stunned, Zen took a moment to reply. "What?"

"I am a Spy Master working for Konoha" Jiraiya admitted. "I'll pay you generously on the information you provide me."

And Zen didn't know what to make of the situation anymore.


	3. Picking Up My Younger Self

_If you can't blow them away with your brilliance,  
then baffle them with your bullshit_

* * *

After accepting the job offered by Jiraiya, I immediately traveled to Hachou Village on the border of the Land of Fire; with a certain goal in mind.

It took a couple of days to reach the said village and the orphanage I have first been in before I was sent to Konoha to be a ninja. The scene I arrived at was too heartwarming and familiar.

My eyes instantly caught the frail form of my younger counterpart, staring wide-eyed and uncomprehending at some kids her age.

I could still remember the struggle I initially had when I first came here. I couldn't understand what everyone was saying. All I ever understood were how to say the most basic of things like single words, greetings and count the numbers up until ninety-nine. I didn't even know how to say "I'm tired" or "It wasn't me". It was the hardest 3 years of my life and I am eternally grateful that these matrons didn't give up on me.

The fond memories I had of this place will be forever treasured in my heart.

* * *

"Yo" I greeted my younger self with a familiar two-fingered wave. The signature wave of Hatake Kakashi (without the closed eye-smile). In response, my younger counterpart is currently looking at me strangely; at a loss of what is happening and suspicious of who I am.

"She said that she's your sister" The Head Matron kindly says to the young girl and to be expected, my younger counterpart couldn't understand what she's saying; only picking up a familiar word.

"O-Onee-chan?" She frowns, confused and anxious.

Smiling despite the looks I've been receiving, (because you know, if we're really siblings, the little kid would and should've run to my arms while bawling her eyes out and this right now is nothing but suspicious), _"I told them we're siblings"_ I said in a language I know she'll understand better. Good ol' English.

The confused and unsure look the Head Matron sent me was completely expected, as well as the surprised look my younger self is sending me.

 _"Who are you?"_ My younger counterpart finally asks. _"How do you know this language?"_

 _"I've learned it for the majority of my life"_ I shrugged. _"But that's the least of your concern. Right now, I need you to go with my plan"_

 _"Who are you?"_ She insists.

 _"My name is Zen"_ I answered.

 _"Liar"_ She glares at me. _"That's_ my _name!"_

 _"Look"_ I sigh. _"If your dumb brain still hasn't connected the dots, I'm willing to provide. I am you, okay? I'm from the future"_ I massaged my throbbing temple. Clearly feeling the oncoming headache. _"Now, can we proceed?"_

Gingerly and still wary, she inches closer to me and reaching for my outstretched hand. I could only sigh as I place a hand on her head, gently patting it. _"I'll explain it later"_

She nods, and that is enough to reassure me that she won't misbehave.

I turned my attention back to the Head Matron, who is currently confused and conflicted at the previous display of mistrust.

"I'm sorry for that" I apologized. "We were separated while traveling and she thinks I abandoned her"

The older woman frowns. "Why would she think that?"

"We..." I look down at my younger self in pity, a look I know for myself that I hate receiving. "We weren't cared for, you see... And then we were abandoned by our mother."

She gasps, and the look of pity that I hated so much was directed at both of me. At the look, my younger self turns away from the Head Matron and presses herself to my body.

"I am so sorry to hear that." The Head Matron sympathizes. "Is there anything we could do for both of you?"

I perked up at that, before bowing in gratitude. "Actually, there is one..."

The older woman smiles encouragingly.

"Uhmm... You see.." I scratched the back of my head. "We don't have any identifications and I was wondering if..."

"Consider it done" The Head Matron smiles at us.

I could only gape at her. _We're getting identities just like that?_

* * *

**[3 days later]**

_"Where are we going?"_ My younger self inquired while we were camping out in the forest.

 _"Dora's house"_ I replied curtly.

 _"Seriously"_ She frowns. _" Where_ _are we going?"_

 _"Dora's house"_ I repeated and I couldn't wipe my grin off my face.

 _"Hey!"_ She threw a small pebble to my way.

 _"What?"_ I grinned wider, _"I haven't done that in a lifetime_ _(literally)_ _and I missed it"_

 _"You're so immature"_ She quips. If she still has any more doubts about the older woman's identity, it's now gone.

_"I'll take that as a compliment"_

* * *

_"Is it even legal to bring a kid in a pub?"_ She asks skeptically.

 _"Which kid?"_ I questioned back.

 _"_ I'm _a kid"_ She emphasizes, pointing to herself.

 _"You_ look _like a kid"_ I replied back

 _"I'm_ five _"_ She grits.

 _"You only_ look _five"_ I shrug before pushing her inside.

"Hey!" She protests.

 _"Stop whining"_ I glared at her _"You're a grown-ass and an independent 35-year-old woman"_

 _"No one will believe that!"_ She squirms from my grip.

 _"I will"_ I replied softly and she stops trying to get away.

 _"Only because you know the truth"_ She mumbles to herself, but I heard it.

 _"Exactly"_ I pat her head and gently guided her to a cleaner part of the bar. I smiled at the old man manning the bar and asked for their cheapest meal for two.

Momentarily, the old man studied us and as if reaching a conclusion, he nods to himself before going to the back kitchen.

 _"What was that?"_ My younger counterpart frowns.

 _"We don't look like we have money"_ I replied.

 _"But we do!"_ She exclaims. Then stops short. _"right?"_

"Hai~ Hai~"

* * *

_"Tell me about yourself"_

I blinked, confused.

 _"It's just that you know everything about me but I don't know anything about you aside from that we're... you know"_ She replies, uncertain.

 _"What do you want to know?"_ I asked while adding twigs to our small campfire.

 _"Everything"_ She replies, eyes bright with wonder.

 _"That's quite broad"_ I grinned, nevertheless, ready to answer. _"Ask me anything you want to know"_

 _"Are we a shinobi?"_ She asks.

 _"Yes"_ I replied.

 _"What were we specializing in?"_ She asks next.

 _"Fuinjutsu"_ I grinned, proud of myself.

She stops momentarily before asking, slightly bothered. _"Not Medical ninjutsu?"_

I shrugged. _"I do know a few techniques"_ Putting down my grilled fish, I asked whether she has any more questions.

 _"I'll think about it"_ She replied, brows furrowed.

I grinned as I know that she would storm up a lot of questions, _"How about we learn some writing while you think of it?"_

 _"Not again!"_ She groaned.

_"You're doing great on your hearing and responses, but you suck on writing"_

The resounding groan marked the younger counterpart's defeat.

* * *

**[a week later]**

_"You said we'll go to Konoha"_

_"I did and we will" Eventually but not now._

_"This isn't Konoha"_

The scenery before us wasn't the busy streets of Konoha or even the iconic stone mountain heads of the previous to present Hokage. It was obvious from the getgo that this isn't Konoha. The buildings of this village also did not resemble the old eastern-style Konoha used to be, but rather concrete buildings with a western touch to it. The building structures are superb unlike what I initially thought. And although this is my first time in this village, I feel somewhat at ease.

 _"We're not ready to come to Konoha yet"_ I sigh when my younger counterpart insists on her question.

 _"What do you mean we're not ready?"_ She frowns.

 _"I have a job to do,"_ I replied. _"Besides, you can barely speak a few sentences of the common language here"_ I deadpanned. _"Besides, if I hadn't taken you from the orphanage, you wouldn't arrive in Konoha until three years later"_

 _"Three years?"_ She asked, bewildered.

 _"Yes"_ I nodded.

 _"Admissions to the academy is 6, right?"_ She frowns in confusion.

 _"Yes"_ I repeated.

_"And the Uchiha Massacre happened when Sasuke was 9, right?"_

I didn't respond. By now, she isn't asking me anymore. She's planning on her own.

* * *

 _"You don't need to become a ninja anymore,"_ I said after dinner. _"you're no longer bound to the duties in the orphanage"_

 _"I..."_ She starts. _"How will I survive then?"_

 _"I promised that I'll teach you"_ I responded. _"that doesn't mean that I'll put you in the academy if you don't want to"_

 _"I..."_ She stares at the cup of water in her hands. _"I don't want to be a ninja"_

 _"I know,"_ I replied, ruffling her hair. _"I've been there before"_

 _"How long are we going to stay here?"_ She asks.

 _"A few months"_ I replied as I took her hand and left the food stand.

* * *

Life in Kusagakure wasn't hard as I initially thought. The first few days in this new Village, I realized that I needed a steady source of income; because I finally have an identity, rent to pay and another mouth to feed. I can't depend on the money Jiraiya would pay me. So I went up to a few food stands and asked if they were hiring and not all of them said "yes". I didn't pass the initial interviews of most, honestly. Because y'know, they're too conscious of outsiders and are afraid that they're helping a potential spy to live in their beloved village.

By the end of my job hunt and was about to give up, I stumbled upon a pub that was incidentally hiring. Blinking, I thought of how my experiences in handling alcoholic beverages had been in the past. Being apprenticed to the most alcoholic medic-shinobi in all elemental nations, I know my way around liquors.

 _I'll just have to wing it._ I sighed to myself. _Besides, where else to gather information other than from drunk, loose lips?_


	4. Uncertain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To change or not-to-change will always and forever be one's problem when faced with time-travel.

_I am a lost soul.  
_ _And I am trying to find my way back.  
_ _Back to the free life, we were all promised to live._

_I am a lost soul,  
_ _but I am chained to live a life of another._

* * *

**[2 months later]**

A heavy set of footsteps could be heard approaching the stools accompanied by a cry of "Sis!"

I momentarily stopped taking inventory to give my 'sister' my attention. I blinked in confusion when she gently guided a red-haired child in front of me as she beams. _"Look who I found!"_

"Uhuh" I replied, blinking in uncertainty. I smiled gently when I saw the redhead fidget uncomfortably. "And who's your friend?"

"This..." she grins. "is Karin"

"Hello," The child shyly says with a timid bow.

"I see..." And just then that I remembered that Naruto's distant cousin lived in this village before Orochimaru got his filthy hands on her. Smiling still, I introduced myself. "My name is Rae" I gestured them to the stools and both kids helped each other to climb them. "Would you two like some chocolate drink while you tell me how you two met?"

Grinning, both of them nodded (though my sister shouted in joy).

* * *

 _"What was that?"_ I asked when we were finally at the safety of our apartment and Karin was safely brought to the orphanage.

 _"What was what?"_ She asks, feigning ignorance.

"Karin" I frowned. _"Why did you make friends with her?"_

 _"What's wrong with that?"_ She asked in defense. _"She was alone when I saw her! What's wrong with befriending a lonely girl?"_

 _"You..."_ I trailed off as I realized something. _"You sought her out, didn't you?"_

She didn't answer for a while before she said, _"So what?"_

 _"YOU!"_ I burst out. _" Why would you do that?!"_

 _"What's wrong with what I did?!"_ She shouted back. _"I only gave a friend to a child in need of it!"_

 _"We're not here to make to-!"_ I was cut off when she shouted back.

 _"WE'VE ALREADY CHANGED THE PAST!"_ I was greatly relieved that I had placed privacy seals beforehand. _"_ You've _already changed it the moment you stepped up to take me away from the orphanage"_

"I understand" I replied, containing myself. "But I don't mean to change _everything_ " I sighed. "Our existence and impact on the story as a whole here is the only thing that I am _altering_."

There was silence and I realized that things had gone too far.

 _"I'm sorry"_ I apologized, head bowed in shame. _"I just didn't want to change things as much as possible._ _"_

 _"But that's not living"_ She points out, voice low and matching my own. _"Can't we just live and do what we want just for once?"_

 _"I..."_ I couldn't think of anything to counter that.

 _"This is a new life"_ She points out, almost begging me to hear her out. _"We're not living a book, we're living our lives"_

 _"But this_ is _a book!"_ I pointed back. _"This is a manga series! An anime; a story written out by another_ human _"_

 _"It stopped being a mere story when we started living it out"_ She grinds. _"We choose our own decisions, not because of someone else's will. It's ours."_

* * *

Breakfast was a quiet affair, just like dinner the previous night had been. My younger self and I didn't talk or even glanced at each other the whole time. I cooked the meal for two but I didn't have the appetite to eat. So I went to work earlier than my normal schedule. Thankfully, Aki-san has no qualms in me doing overtime and welcomed me in the pub with a smile.

I immersed myself in work and just when I was starting to forget my problems, cold dread envelopes my spine as shivers run up and down on it. I know what that is, and my experiences told me to listen to my instincts.

Looking around the pub, I could spy a pair of sketchy individuals. Looking closely, one of them was dreadfully familiar. With his distinguishable long silver hair and round glasses, I could not mistake that for any other else.

It was Kabuto. And if my assumptions are correct then the other person with him must be Orochimaru.

_Are they here for Karin?_

* * *

"Welcome! What can I get you?"

_Smile...._

**"Sake and dango"**

_Smile and pretend that you don't know them._

"Coming right up!"

_Serve them as they ordered._

**"I found someone interesting, I plan on taking her with me back to the hideout"**

**"A new experiment?"**

**"Possibly"**

_Observe and listen._

**"I'm interested to meet her then"**

**"And you will, Kabuto-kun"**

_*Coin clatters_

"Thank you for coming! See us again!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Future!Zen has changed her name to "Rae".  
> FunFact is that this new name actually belongs to Zen's brother from her first life. And she also used this name on some occasions when she had to go undercover in the previous timeline.


	5. To Hell With It!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is one of those moments that   
> I would gladly throw caution to the wind   
> and shout to the heavens:
> 
> "To hell with it! I'm doing this!"
> 
> ... without regrets.

**[FUTURE]**

**"The saddest part of being a ninja is not knowing if you'll be able to return home after every mission, most especially in a time of war."** Godaime Hokage, Senju Tsunade stood in front of the gathered crowd in front of the KIA monument. Her words echoing solemnly in the silent grounds. **"We have lost countless sisters and brothers-in-arms, but their deaths are not for nothing"**

**"They have offered up their lives, as much as we all did for the sake of protecting the world"**

At the front of the crowd stood the remaining members of Konoha 11. Although Sakura and Sasuke aren't considered as part of the named group, both of them stood among their peers. All of them thinking of the people they've lost in the 4th Great Ninja War; both friends and family alike.

 **"This peace was not brought upon by a single ninja nor a single team,"** Tsunade's words continued to echo powerfully despite the solemn words. **"But rather by the countless people who put their lives on the line for it"**

**"To those, we've lost; those who will never see another sunrise again..."**

**"You will never be forgotten"**

* * *

**[PAST]**

I took a deep breath and exhaled a large plume of smoke. I heard the door opening but I didn't bother looking even when soft footsteps were walking towards me.

"You're smoking," my companion said and that's when I finally looked at her. My younger self is looking at me strangely as I offered my box to her. "I'm a child. I can't smoke" She deadpanned, causing me to smirk and shrug.

"Your loss"

She sighs as she steps beside me by the railing.

"Why are you still up so late?" I asked.

"I can't sleep" She rolls her eyes and gave me a look that couldn't believe that I didn't know the answer to that question.

"Insomnia" I frowned as I remembered. "Do you want me to create some sleeping pills for you?"

 _"Mom doesn't like me taking them,"_ She said in an almost automatic response and when she processed what she said, she ducked her head and retracted her words. "Yeah, I think I could use a few pills"

I reached out and gently ruffled her hair. "It's alright," I said and guided her back inside the apartment. "I'll make you some tea for now"

"Not milk?" She asked.

I snorted. "We both know that doesn't work"

She grins as she added. "It's as good as a hot cup of coffee in the morning"

"And coffee makes us sleepy" I nodded. "Do you want coffee?"

She laughs. "I'll take the tea"

* * *

"Why are you packing up?" A small voice asked as she yawned. "Are we leaving already?"

"Yeah" I replied and gestured towards the table. "Eat your lunch already"

 _"I missed breakfast"_ I heard her murmur to herself then a bit louder she asked, "Where are we going now?"

"I don't know yet," I told her honestly as I stood up from my position on the floor. I faced her, contemplating my next words. "I..."

She waits for me patiently as she chews on the cold meal.

 _"I saw Kabuto the other day,"_ I said cautiously as I switched back to our own language. She stops and frowns at the implication of the news. _"I don't know if they're here for the kid, though"_

 _"Karin was a genin of Grass during the Chunin Exams in Leaf, right?"_ She recollects. I shrugged, not really remembering from my own time _"It means they didn't get their hands on her before that"_

 _"What now?"_ She had already stopped eating at this point.

 _"I..."_ I shrugged, totally unsure. _"I'm thinking of adopting Karin"_

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" She asks as we both stand by the fence surrounding the orphanage.

"Not really" I responded, fiddling with the strap of my bag. "I never really thought of having kids"

"We did" She corrected. "we just don't like the idea of giving birth to them"

I softly chuckled as I straightened up. "You're making it sound like I had an abortion before"

I could only laugh at her horrified look.

_"That's not what I mean!"_

"Yes, yes. I know"

* * *

"I'm sorry" The head matron apologized, "but little Karin was already adopted this morning"

I could feel the dread creeping at my heart. "W-w" I coughed the stutter out before starting again. "Who adopted her?"

"A fine young man named Yasue" She replied. "He came here yesterday with his son and they said that they met little Karin on her way towards the park where her friend was waiting for her"

I glanced at my younger self and she looked pale as paper.

"She..." She shook her head. "She didn't come to the park yesterday. I was waiting for her but she never came"

I frowned. "She didn't?" and she shook her head in response.

"She was here" The head matron interrupted. "She was the one who brought Yasue-san back here"

"Where are they now?" I asked.

"Karin-chan said that she'll say goodbye to her friends before -"

I didn't let her finish as I grabbed my younger self by the shoulder and flickered out of there. We appeared at the pub I previously worked at before I sent in my resignation letter this morning.

"Karin-chan!" I called when I saw the familiar red-haired kid leaving the establishment.

At the sound of my voice, her previously crestfallen face lights up like a Christmas tree.

"Rae-nee!" She squeals as she runs towards me. As soon as she came near, she threw her tiny arms around my torso. "Aki-jii said you left!" She frowns up at me.

I smile as I ruffle her hair. "I'm going on an adventure"

"abantweru?" She repeated excitedly. Though it was a failure, she looked unbothered.

"Uhuh" I grinned. "Do you want to come with us?"

She glanced at my younger counterpart who in all sense of the word is still dazed and crouching by the ground.

"What happened?" Karin asked as she pointed at the other kid. "Sick?"

"No" the said kid groaned in response. "Jus..." She looked green in the face. "... i'lly"

" _Silly_?" Karin blinks up at me, confused and I shrugged.

"So, do you want to come with us?" I asked again.

She was about to agree when a very familiar voice caught our attention.

"Karin-chan" He called. Looking over, I fought down the urge to jump away from my position. Though I did brought the kids behind me on instinct.

"You don't need to hide my daughter from me," The man I no doubt think named 'Yasue' said. A younger version of Kabuto stood beside him, sharp eyes silently watching us.

"Papa?" I heard Karin from behind me.

"Yes, my child" the man replied. "You seem to have said your goodbyes" He added. "Come, we must leave"

I didn't let Karin walk far before I yanked her back behind me.

"And what do you think you're doing?" The man inquires, his snake-like eyes as sharp and deadly as his original name's namesake.

"I'm taking her with me" I responded before flickering away from there with the kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Karin tried saying "adventure", it came from this translation: "アバンチュール" which is "abanchiyuru".  
> Instead of using "boken", I used a different translation. I hope you don't mind. Sorry if it doesn't make sense!


	6. Running For Our Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Running - that's all I know what to do.  
> Running from my problems.  
> Running from my enemies.  
> Running from the pain.
> 
> Yes, that's all I know what to do.  
> And I'm not ashamed of it.
> 
> Not one bit.

**[With Orochimaru]**

"Should we pursue, Orochimaru-sama?" The ever-loyal apprentice asked his mentor, poised and ready to follow.

"No" The Sannin replied, mirth dancing in his eyes as he stares off at the direction he felt the woman headed. Then he turned back on to the village as if nothing had happened.

"Do you believe that the world is small, Kabuto-kun?" He instead asks.

"Why do you ask, sensei?" The young apprentice follows beside him dutifully.

"Because it simply is" Orochimaru replied with a chuckle. "Kukuku... We'll see them again soon enough"

* * *

**[With Rae]**

My heart beats loudly in my ears as adrenaline rushes through my veins. The foliage zooms past me as I leap from one tree to another, pushing harder and harder even when my legs are burning from the strain.

Something is amiss, I noticed.

_Where's Orochimaru?_

I might be from the future but I am only a mere Chunin whilst my pursuer is a freaking _Sannin_. There is only so much distance I can put before he catches up. And that's the thing, he _should've_ caught up ages ago! What's happening? _Did he decide not to pursue?_ _Am I_ _not worth his time?! Am I in a genjutsu--?!_

"Stop!" A hiss in my ear brought me to an abrupt stop, almost tumbling down the branch that I landed on. My grip on a certain unconscious redhead in one of my arms tightened protectively while the other reached down to take out a kunai from one of my pockets. Turning my head slightly to the right, I could barely see the face of my younger counterpart. But I didn't need a visual to know her reaction. Her grip on my person are bruising, and her body tensed on my back.

It took me a minute to realize that it was she who had spoken.

"What?" I could barely recognize my own voice. It was hoarse from lack of use and water.

"I said _stop_ " She repeated, burying her face on my shoulder and her grip tightening around me. "Let's stop for the night. Camp out here and-"

"We _can't_ stop!" I hissed, tensing up and readying myself to take another leap. "We have to keep moving"

" _No one_ is coming for us!" She hissed back. "No one has been following us for hours!"

"How would you know?" I growled. "You're _not_ a ninja"

It took me a moment to register what I said and immediately regretted it. It was a low blow.

She was quiet for a while before she spoke again, her tone infinitely softer and... _sad_.

"I _know_ that I'm not a ninja and I don't know shit about it" I could feel her worry her lips as she gripped my clothing by the shoulders. "But what I _do_ know is that you can't keep this up _any longer_ "

"I can still go on" I pressed. "We need to get somewhere safe before we could stop"

"Where is ′ _safe_ '?" She hisses back. "We're in the middle of _nowhere_! I could only see trees and trees and _trees_!" She frowns in displeasure. "Unless you're taking us to _Konoha_ , then please do carry on"

"Why are you so obsessed with getting to Konoha?" I grumble.

 _"Because we're in a world where the only thing we know about it revolves around a certain number of people!"_ She hisses further in English. _"You may be from the future and know everything, but I am NOT! I do not prefer to battle my everyday life wondering what's coming at me"_

I was rendered speechless. I was honestly conflicted on how to feel about this. Some part of me wants to applaud her for such logical thinking, but some part of me also wants to smack her upside the head for such a foolish thing. Just because one knows and expects what the future would unfold doesn't mean it wouldn't change. I am the living testimony of it. Granted that she doesn't know what changes my presence did to my timeline, but still the main idea is in there. Nothing is truly set in stone. The future isn't constant. It shifts when things in the past change depending on the scale it would amount to. A ripple can cause a tidal wave, as some elders would like to remind the young.

"There is a town a few hours away from here" I finally said. "We could stay the night at an inn instead of another night here in this forest."

* * *

Sleep didn't come easily to me that night. I was on high alert and every sound keeps me on edge. Every chakra signature that I could feel within my radius is monitored with vigilance and estimated for their threat levels.

There are five other ninjas in the inn, all of them are familiar signatures but I couldn't place my finger on who they are. For the life of me, I could not remember them. They are probably from an allied village that I had met briefly. I just hope they are friendly. I will not last an hour in a fight in my current condition.

One of the kids shifted and left the bed and I glance at them to see my younger self approach me. She yawned tiredly as she comes closer.

"Not sleeping?" She asked.

"I'm taking watch" I answered.

"Still?" She let out another yawn.

"Of course," I replied. "somebody has to keep an eye out in case something happens"

She frowns. "But you need rest too"

And she was right. I felt myself smile, but the action felt tight on my face so I faced the window as my smile dropped.

"I'm sorry" I couldn't find any better words to say other than an apology. "You were safe enough in the orphanage and I took you away from there, only to drag you around in a merry chase against one of the most dangerous people of this world"

It was silent but I could not bring myself to glance over to her.

"It's alright" she finally said. "When I was in the orphanage I felt... _lost_ "

I knew what she felt. I was in her shoes once upon a time.

I felt her sit on the floor beside my chair. "I didn't understand anything until you taught me _how_ "

I could only smile, but the burden in my chest didn't lighten.

This is my fault, and I don't even know how to make it right.


	7. Is This a New Start?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not every story starts off in the main plot.  
> Some of them start at the filler.
> 
> And this is how Zen's - now known as Rae - third life started.

_I was so lost until I met you.  
_ _So by the Gods and Deities,  
_ _continue shining this dark road I'm walking on._

* * *

Morning came and the dreaded moment when I have to explain to Karin why I whisked her away from her new "family" was drawing near.

How exactly are you supposed that your new supposedly "father" is an evil wanted criminal? I could only sigh and pray that the kid would understand that this is for her sake.

The two kids are now up and about. I decided to hold off the "talk" for a few more minutes... or hours. Or maybe days.

Just... I'm not ready for that conversation yet. So I escaped to pack-up. We didn't have much on us so packing up, didn't take even a minute to complete.

I've let them enjoy the luxury of taking a long bath after the grueling hours in the forest and then keeping their dirtied clothes on a separate scroll. I was lucky that Karin had a pack of her own with her, but is concerned with how little clothes she has; not that any of them has that many.

And now came the matter of breakfast.

I was browsing through food stalls when I noticed my charges looking at one particular stand. A ramen stand, to be exact. Admittedly, the aroma coming from there was stronger than most of the stalls that it overlaps the rest of them. But as a medic-nin, I would not recommend such a choice in the morning.

My younger self turned to me expectantly, her eyes telling me what she wanted to say without words. The refusal was already at the tip of my tongue when little Karin also turned towards me. Her eyes pleading and I couldn't possibly deny a kid that probably had never tasted such delicacy.

 _Just this once._ I sigh to myself before nodding at them. They both grinned and raced through the crowd. I followed leisurely, keeping my other senses as sharp as a well-cared kunai. I may not be a sensor shinobi like a certain jinchuuriki, but I am good enough for a stealth and reconnaissance mission.

Among the rest of the customers, one chakra signature caught my attention as it was above a civilian but not larger than a high Genin was already in the stall. Deciding to just keep tabs on it, I finally entered the stall. As I had expected, the two kids were already on top of stools, looking at the cook in amazement. I could only shake my head at them. _Wait till they saw Teuchi-san do his magic._

Scanning the other customers, I noticed that the kid with genin-level chakra coils was wearing a Takigakure hitai-ate.

_That's interesting._

* * *

"Three beef ramen please" I called to the assistant taking orders. And then I added. "Less salt for the other two"

The two kids loudly protested at that and even the other customers stifled their amusement. The cook raised his attention from the noodles to glance at us, an amused smile playing at his aged face.

"Then choose: less salt or more vegetables?" I raised my eyebrows at them. I knew how Karin hates her greens but this just might do the trick.

"Green?" She asks and even my younger self smirks.

"Green" My younger self nods. "I'd choose the green if I were you. You can't miss the true flavor of the ramen with less salt"

"What sage words" I deadpanned at the midget. "Goodluck on the sodium then"

"Green!" Karin finally decides as she beams up at the assistant despite not liking vegetables.

"More vegetables on all three instead of less salt," I told them.

"Coming right up!" The cook replied cheerily.

As our meals were served, the cook personally went to stand by us. Watching the two kids in amusement as they enjoy every drop of the soup.

"Lucky for you that I only use natural ingredients," He says. "Other ramen stalls might just be using packets for the soup"

"Have you tried Ichiraku from Konoha?" I found myself asking. "Like yours, their ramen is purely organic."

"So you've been from Konoha?" He asks and I didn't detect anything other than curiosity.

"I've been there before" I replied. "Ichiraku has been in business since the Third Shinobi War. You should meet Teuchi-san, I think you two will be great friends"

"I'll make sure to see this ramen stall you talk so highly of when I come to visit Konoha" He grins.

"I hope soon then" I replied. "You might forget if you take too long" I joked and he let out a booming laugh that slightly startled me. For a thin old man, he sure has one hell of a lung.

"I'll keep that in mind then!" He grins cheekily and all I could do was chuckle in response.

* * *

"So you're from Konoha?" The Genin from the stall appears before our little group as we stroll through the town. He was shorter than I initially thought. Probably 12 to 13 years old. No physical evidence that he's specializing in any area. Ninjutsu perhaps?

"Hey!" He shouts. "I'm talking to you!"

I realize slowly that he was referring to me. And I raise a brow in response.

"What is it to you?" I finally replied. The kids hid behind me but where Karin is cowering, my younger self is glaring in annoyance.

"You're within the borders of the Land of Waterfalls," He said with a glare. "What are you up to here?"

"We're just passing by" I replied. He didn't look convinced.

"May I see your identifications?" He hisses. Probably trying to be polite.

That is when I realize that I didn't have Karin's identification papers.

_I have to think fast._

"Are you even authorized to demand our identifications?" I asked, trying to stall. "As far as I know identifications are only required to be presented when the party is entering a hidden village" _Think, Zen. Think!_ "And as far as I know only Chunin and higher-ranked shinobi could demand to inspect such important document"

"If you're not showing me your identifications, then I'm taking you in to be investigated" He demands.

"You can't do that" I replied, glaring down at him. "We're tourists"

"Might as well be spies if you can't present your papers" He scoffs.

"Konoha and Takigakure are allied villages, what rights do you have to take us in as if we did something outrageous?" I demand and I belatedly realize that we're gathering spectators. Scanning them by a small chakra burst, I felt 20 civilians, 1 Jounin and two other Genin. So he's with a team. "I told you, we're tourists and we're just passing by"

"What could be the problem here?" The Jounin finally cuts in. He steps forward followed by his other students.

"Sensei!" The kid pipes up. "How long have you been there?"

"Long enough" He replies and then asks again. "What's wrong here?"

Before the kid could reply, I spoke first. "The brat heard that I ate a bowl of ramen in Konoha and demands to see my papers"

The kid winces when his sensei looks down at him. "Is there anything else?"

"Nothing else" I replied. Then I added. "If we don't include being accused of being a spy, then there's nothing else to speak of"

Another wince and the kid's shoulder drooped.

"I see..." The Jounin slowly mutters, then squares his shoulder to give a polite bow. "As his Jounin sensei, I deeply apologize for the inconvenience he has caused you."

The way the guy looks at the kid, I could only surmise that he'll have his training doubled. I suddenly felt bad.

"I also apologize" I replied, giving a short bow. "If only I showed him my identifications earlier then this wouldn't have turned out the way it did."

Even when he didn't ask for it, I took out my papers from my pocket and presented it to him. "We came from Kusagakure and are traveling from town to town"

"Any destination in mind, Rae-san?" The Jounin asked after he scanned my papers, then handing them back. "Kusagakure is quite a ways to have come from"

"No destination, really" I replied as honestly as I can. "We're just traveling"

"Like an adventure!" Karin mumbles from behind me and my younger self was quick to agree.

"An adventure, huh?" The Jounin chuckles. Then he outstretches a hand, "My name is Suien, Jounin of Takigakure"

The name rang a bell in my mind, but I couldn't place where I heard it from.

"And these are my students: Shibuki, Mizuki and Hara" He introduced each of his students. Each name rang a bell in my mind but I still couldn't place a finger where I heard them from.

"My name is Rae" I introduced myself and pushed my charges forward so they could be better seen. "And these are Karin and Zen"

Karin let out a timid "Hello" while my younger self glared at them.

 _She's grumpy._ I internally deadpanned.

* * *

In an incredible turn of events when we were invited to see the Village Hidden by a Waterfall as an apology of sorts, Karin tugged at my arm and handed me two folded papers from her pack. And to my utter joy and disbelief, it was her identification papers. It seemed that Orochimaru let her keep it in her person in case of whatever. It was just dumb luck, I swear. I couldn't help myself and carried her in my arms and peppered her face with kisses. She let out a loud squeal that took the group's attention to us but most of them just rolled their eyes and continued on. Suien, on the other hand, was studying us.

But I didn't care. All I cared about was not getting into trouble just because of the lack of some papers.

"You two are noisy" Zen grumbles but I could see that she's just amused.

"Whatever, midget" I stuck my tongue at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear some misunderstanding about Zen: yes, she's acting immature for someone who lived a life before. But I would like to point out that she's currently a kid. Her body (especially the brain) isn't in sync with her adult mind.  
> Both Zen and Rae have quite a few issues regarding themselves and their past life.  
> Both Zen and Rae are also quite close with Karin even though they've only known each other for a short few days.


	8. Anniversary

**[Future]**

It was a bright sunny day; a perfect time to go cloud watching and sleeping, but a certain Nara isn't lying down in any of the comfortable spots in the field. Instead, he's staring at a particular stone statue where thousands of names are engraved. His eyes staring at a particular name.

He never figured her out. And every time that he thought he did, she'd prove him wrong time after time. And when he mentioned it to her once, she had the gall to look at him like _she_ can't believe what Shikamaru was saying.

 _"I'm just a normal, boring woman, Nara."_ She had told him. _"There's nothing to figure out"_

But she wasn't boring. Hell, she wasn't even _normal_.

He means, what " _boring, normal woman"_ would do the things she had done? Every time they go on a mission together, she'd always be the _weakest_ and at the same time the _strongest_ link in the chain. She's an impossible combination of opposites, continuously contradicting as if she's the embodiment of her own self's antithesis.

Of course, he knows that most of them are masks; that's why she's a mystery. Shikamaru could never figure out what's true and what's not. It was like she'd been doing it for decades that she could make every expression so natural. And with her in Team 7, it was like she was the Queen in a game of Masquerade.

_"Hey, Shikamaru"_

His heart skipped a beat and for a moment, he heard a different voice but glancing at the source proved him wrong. A certain silver-haired Hokage is walking towards him at a leisure pace.

"Hokage-sama" He politely greeted and decidedly ignored the tired sigh the older man let out. The man had long since given up correcting his friends to stop calling him by his new title. "What brings you here today?"

"Visiting friends, as always" Kakashi answered with a closed-eye smile. "I'd been busy lately, so this is my first visit in a week"

Shikamaru grimaced. Kakashi had indeed been busy cleaning up after the previous Hokages. The tower had been buzzing with work and meetings every day for the past 6 months; not even weekends are spared.

"It's been a year, hasn't it?" Kakashi gently whispered. His finger tracing a certain name written in katakana.

Shikamaru's chest tightens. Zen's death had hit Team 7 the hardest, and most especially Kakashi. Everyone knows his life story by now; how he lost his mother to an enemy attack, how he lost his father to misplaced guilt and shame, how he lost his teammates in the Third Shinobi War, and how he lost his sensei in the Kyubi Attack. Everyone knew how he lost a student to the clutches of greed and vengeance. Everyone had heard how he regained his friend, only to lose him again to death. And everyone had heard how he regained his wayward student, only to lose another one.

"Did you know?" Kakashi's voice is still gentle, and Shikamaru didn't know who's he talking to until he heard the next words. "She hated Calligraphy"

"What?"

"She hated Calligraphy" Kakashi repeats with a smile as he stands up straighter. " _'It was too complicated'_ , she said. But she still studied it and mastered Fuinjutsu to help her with her Iryu Ninjutsu"

 _"Shit!"_ Her familiar voice drifted to his mind, unbidden, as he remembered the times Zen used her skills in the war.

_Zen was once again running low on chakra and she had already consumed her 3rd Chakra Pill for the day, another one and she'd be a liability after the effect is gone. She was part of the Sealing Team but she went around and healed anyone she can. But the wounded are too many and the Medic Camp had been compromised; infiltrated by Zetsu._

_Everyone who could perform basic first aid to actual Iryu Ninjutsu is working to help, but it wasn't enough. She was the best they got here for both fields and they couldn't afford to lose her._

_Shikamaru could only watch in remorse as he couldn't help. With Choji slumped beside him, they were given strict instructions to_ not move an inch _by both Ino and Zen. Ino, despite being bone-tired herself, is still helping tend to any wound she can._

_In the corner of his eye, Shikamaru saw Zen walk to the side. She took out her sealing materials and began to work on something he couldn't see. It didn't take long before she's taking out a kunai and slicing through the paper, cutting it to symmetric tags. When she was done with it, she walked around the place giving the tags and quietly teaching the other shinobi how to use it. And by the looks of it, it wasn't something that is limited to the ones who could perform Iryu Ninjutsu._

It wasn't after the war until Shikamaru found out that the seal she created had put the patients in some semi-paralysis while slowly regenerating the damaged cells themselves. It was self-healing on a whole new level.

"She was amazing" Shikamaru didn't notice he said it out loud until Kakashi agreed.

They both stood there quietly, staring at the same name and reminiscing the time she was still with them.

.

.

.

.

"Sometimes I wish..." Shikamaru muses quietly, " _I wish_ that she's just somewhere out there. That one of these days, she'll drop in on us and say _'Why the long face?'_ as if the past year never happened"

A heavy hand rested on his shoulder as if to say _"Me too"_

* * *

**[Past]**

All I could do is stare. Because what else can I do? As it turns out, Shibuki is the son of the Village Leader, Hisen.

_Now I know why he's familiar._

What I do not understand is why we were invited to the Leader's _home_ instead of a regular restaurant. And knowing now who invited us in, it makes me wonder if all of this would lead us to a trap.

All I can do is sigh and wait for what this will lead us in the end.

* * *

Contrary to what I remember from my previous life, Shibuki is not like the timid kid I remember him to be. Sure, he's still a prick (only Kami knows how Naruto befriended the kid), but at least he's not yet that annoying. I pity the team that will handle this kid's mission when he seeks escort assistance from Konoha in - in what? Eight years?

_But does it really have to come to that?_

_Argh_ , brain! Stop thinking already!

Things will happen as it should be. _It has to._

* * *

"Thank you for inviting us for dinner, Hisen-sama"

"Don't mention it" The village leader smiles warmly, "It was a pleasure meeting you and your family, Rae-san"

We bowed and left. It was already night time, hopefully, there are inns still open and vacant.

 _"Do you remember?"_ the soft voice of my younger self drifted to my ears. _"Back in our country, guests are invited to stay the night if it got this late. It's a show of hospitality."_

 _"But we're no longer back home"_ I replied, equally softly. _"And besides, we're outsiders. We shouldn't expect to be welcomed into someone's home that easily no matter how generous they are"_

_"I miss home"_

_"Me too, kiddo"_ I replied and ruffled her hair.

"What are you two talking about?" was Karin's curious question.

I could only smile sadly and say "Nothing"

* * *

"How long are we staying here?"

I blinked and glanced at my younger counterpart.

"I don't know" I shrugged. "I was planning on finding a job somewhere but if you want we can hit the road again"

Wide disbelieving brown eyes stared at me with her mouth agape.

"What?" I asked with a frown.

"You..." She hesitated. "You never did that before"

"Huh?"

"Nothing" She shook her head and took a step back. "I'll go ask Karin what she wants to do"

"O-okay?" I replied, unsure.

* * *

"My name is Rae, sir" I introduced with a smile. "I have experience working in serving drinks and food"

"Are you literate?" The man in front of me asked as he scrutinized me.

"Yes" I continued smiling. "I know my numbers and letters"

"Okay" The man nodded. "You're hired. You can start tomorrow"

_"Thank you"_

* * *

_"Nee-chan~!"_ Two voices echoed in the small one-room apartment we've rented. It was the only thing we could afford, plus necessities. In the end, we've decided to stay for a while because of Karin. She wants to enjoy the place before we moved again. And while we're here, I decided to go and get a temporary job at a local restaurant. It has a good pay grade and located near our accommodation. I work from Monday to Friday for eight hours and have Saturdays and Sundays as off.

And today is a Saturday and the kids want to go to the park.

"Nee-chan, hurry up!" Karin whines from the door.

"Coming~!" I shouted back from the kitchen where I was filling up some water bottles for our trip to the park.

I am so thankful that my talk with Karin went off with only a little hitch. 

* * *

"This is so _unfair_ "

I looked up from the book I was reading and was greeted by the scowling face of my younger counterpart.

"What is?" I asked with a raised brow.

"The game" She replied, if I didn't know any better, I'd say she's pouting. "We're playing Ninja"

"Uhuh..." I intoned, motioning her to continue as I closed my book shut.

"We keep on losing"

I raised a brow at that. "You're a sore loser"

"No, I'm not!" She replies indignantly. "It's because of that guy!" She then points at a certain brunet playing at the playground with the other kids. "What kind of ninja plays Ninja? It's practically _cheating_!"

I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing at her face. She glares at me as she stomps her feet in annoyance.

"What do you want me to do?" I grinned.

She grits her teeth before grabbing my arms and pulling me to my feet. "You'll be the real ninja in my team!"

* * *

More laughter rang in the playground and every person who passed by would smile at the sight. Some of them had exasperated expressions and some are even chuckling at the childish sight.

One 16 years old teenage girl is playing ninja with a 13-year-old boy (who is quite well known as the village leader's son) and several kids ranging from 5 to 9 years old.

"I like your expression right now," said a voice beside me. Glancing over, I came face to face with the content expression of my younger counterpart. "Your smile is more relaxed than your usual smiles"

"It's just..." I shrugged. "I can't remember when I last had this much fun."

"When our cousin got shot in the face with a fistful of mud?" She suggested, and that got me laughing.

"I remember that!" I grinned, then stared off at a distance.

_"It's been a year since I came to this timeline"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the Kudos every one~! I haven't felt that kind of love in quite a while. Love you guys! <3


	9. Training~!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who knew training kids was such a troublesome task?  
> How did Iruka even manage teaching a class filled with them?

It was still fairly early in the morning. The sun was barely up and the world is just slowly waking. Amidst this tranquil moment, a lone figure is silently nursing a steaming cup of coffee.

Rae _(because she really should stop referring to herself in her old name even in her thoughts)_ had a dream, and for once it was not her usual nightmares. This time, she dreamt about being _home_. The life she had before she came to this world. Everything was the same as she remembered it (as much as she does, anyway). The house was still small, stuffy, and filled with unnecessary items. Her pets were the same as she left them; her cats are still as rowdy as ever, her lone dog as calm as she remembered him to be, and her fishes are just swimming in that small tank in the corner.

In her dream, she was seated by a long table with red floral cloth cover. There were many delicious-looking foods served as if it was New Year once again. She could imagine their mouthwatering smell as if she was really there.

But unlike any other memory, this time around in her dream... Everyone had been _faceless_ figures.

_They were mere silhouettes of the people she once knew._

Rae doesn't know how to feel about that. A part of her is disheartened, but then again most of her memories of her past life are disheartening. Doubt began to settle in her heart as she thought more about it. It was just that she feels like the person she came to be because of her experiences from that life just suddenly became unjustified. The pride she always felt and carried suddenly became misplaced.

 _Nononono! I can't think like that._ She admonished herself. _But then again, how should I think about this?_

The creaking of an opening door distracted Rae from her confusing thoughts. Karin wobbled out of the bedroom with a wide yawn.

"Good morning, kid" She greeted, and the said redhead blearily looked at her while stifling another yawn.

"m'rning" She replied. Rae could only smile as Karin wobbled towards her.

"Breakfast?" Rae nudged the still-warm plate of fried rice.

"What are we doing today?" Karin asked while filling her plate with food.

"I was thinking of starting you kids with ninja training" Rae replied offhandedly, secretly grinning to herself.

And as she predicted, any left-over sleep Karin may have in her system had been banished as she jerked upright in her position and shrieking a high-pitched " _REALLY?!_ "

"Hai~ Hai~" She waved a mock-dismissive hand. "I decided to teach you guys so you won't come crying to me when an actual ninja decides to play _Ninja_ with you kids"

Ignoring the jab, Karin climbed down from her seat and raced back to the bedroom. It didn't take long before Rae could hear Karin's squeals, the squeaking of the bed being jumped on, and the sleepy curses of Zen.

Somehow, it feels like contentment had settled in Rae's heart as a small smile stretched her lips.

_It's times like this that the past and the future don't matter._

* * *

"I'm going to teach you some basic stretches first" Rae started. "You'd do it every day before and after exercise"

"Aren't stretches basically exercises?" Zen asked with a frown.

"To some people, it is" Rae replied with a shrug. "but to others, it is simply a form to warm-up and to cool-down"

"You didn't answer the question"

"I did"

"You didn't. You sidestepped the question as you curved the answer"

"..." Rae could only blink dumbly back at her younger counterpart, wondering if the other was serious. "Anyway, to start off..."

"Hey!"

"Stretch your arms like these..."

"Don't ignore me!"

"... and count up to sixteen."

_"Argh!"_

* * *

"Run fifty laps around the clearing"

"I don't know how to count that high" Karin whined.

"Zen could teach you while running" Rae smiled, ignoring the angry shout of _"What?!"_ from her younger counterpart.

* * *

"You're doing it wrong, Zen!" Rae immediately came to the said child's side. "That form is for males! Bend your knees like this for a half push-up"

* * *

"Do your cool-downs properly so your muscles won't cramp tonight"

* * *

"Put some more weight into that stretch, Karin"

"Our bodies are killing us, sis"

* * *

_"Sit. Still."_

Rae sighed for the tenth time. She briefly wondered how their teachers managed with rowdy kids. "You have to concentrate to feel your chakra"

A muffled snicker reached her ears. "You're not any better, Zen"

_"Argh!"_

_"Focus. You two!"_

_"Hai~!"_

* * *

Zen had always loved learning about Medicine. Not Pharmaceuticals, though they're equally interesting. During her free time in her previous life, she would watch medical series on Netflix and would further research the terms and procedures in more detail.

When Rae told Karin and her about the new addition to their already hectic training schedule, Zen couldn't really bring herself to protest. The only damper on her good mood is that Karin wasn't as happy as she is. When Zen tried to ask her, Karin's eyes would mist over and the kid would tear up. For the life of her, Zen couldn't understand _why_. What did she miss? Had Karin told her something before that could've clued her to what's wrong? Looking at Rae, she seems to also not know what was wrong either. As far as they both know, they dodged the bullet with Orochimaru; which means that Karin wasn't forced to conduct experiments she doesn't want to do (or whatever the Sannin made her do in the previous timeline).

What didn't they know about Karin? The answer is probably _a lot_. And it's frustrating not to know what's wrong and being unable to fix it. It's like dealing with two Rae's.

"Find out what's wrong" Rae whispered as she retrieved the apartment keys from the countertop. "I'll be back by tomorrow morning to start you on the basics" which means she'll take an extra shift tonight.

_Great... She left me with the hardest job._

* * *

Morning came and Zen still didn't have the answers to her questions.

 _"You don't have to learn if you don't want to"_ Zen heard Rae's voice coming from the kitchen. _Of course_ , she was still the last one to get up. No surprise there really. _"I've just added Basic First Aid to your training so that you can help yourselves when I can't be there to help you"_

 _"Okay"_ Zen heard Karin's weak reply.

There was silence for a while and Zen contemplated coming out until she heard Karin's voice again. Silent, hesitant, and stuttering.

_"C-can I tell you s-something?"_

_"Anything"_

_"I-I..."_ A hesitant silence. _"I c-could heal people w-when they b-bite me"_

A beat of silence, then Rae spoke again.

* * *

"Is that why you don't want to learn?" Rae asked calmly.

"No!" Karin recoiled. "I-it's just that..."

"It's what you've been used to?"

Karin nodded slowly. Still hesitating, as if waiting for something.

A sigh was the older woman replied and Karin tensed.

"Karin" Rae held back another sigh when she noticed the young girl flinch. "You can't rely on that forever"

Slowly, Karin looked up. Tears gathering in her disbelieving eyes. Rae continued on.

"Think about it this way: what if they bite you without consent?" Rae let her think through it for a while before going on. "Would you punch them and risk tearing your own flesh or would you just let them take what's yours?"

For a while, all Rae saw in Karin's eyes were shock, confusion, and uncertainty.

With a sigh, Rae stood up; took her mug to the sink and washed it. Turning back, the same expression is still in Karin's eyes. Zen finally came out of the room and took her place in the table silently. Restraining another sigh, Rae approached the troubled kid and ruffled her hair.

"Think about it" Rae whispered. "I'm not forcing you to do anything you don't want to do"

She left to take her keys and went straight for the door.

"You're leaving?" Zen asked, bewildered. "You've just worked a double shift yesterday!"

"I'll be back by afternoon" Rae replied. "I asked for a half-day"

And before she closed the door, she hollered back: "Your schedule is pinned on the fridge!"

Both kids glanced at the said note and groaned.

"So much for not forcing anything" Zen muttered.

But Karin noticed how lighter the training schedule was compared to the previous days.


	10. I'm Just a Medic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rae was actually expecting this. Everything was going too smoothly for her liking and ever since they came to Takigakure, great things have been happening, it was just a matter of time before the other shoe dropped.

Learning first aid was fun, Zen thought. It felt like she was in the right place. It was as comfortable as wearing tailored clothes. And the surprising thing was that she was learning these new things like a sponge to water.

Karin is not far behind. If anything, the little girl is surprisingly talented in the field. If Zen could understand the procedures based on her limited knowledge from the previous life, Karin, on the other hand, understands it purely out of context and imagination. (No matter how much Rae dumbed it down for them)

But of course, in the course of Zen's life (either which of the two); when good things happen, bad things will follow.

* * *

Rae was actually expecting this. Everything was going too smoothly for her liking and ever since they came to Takigakure, great things have been happening. They got their place with a good deal; Rae got a job on her first try; Karin and Zen became friends with the Village Leader's son; they became greatly acquainted with their neighbors; both Zen and Karin are invited to study in the academy. And all the while, Rae was just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

And it did. It's just on a rather larger scale than what Rae was expecting.

Oh, _**joy**_.

* * *

Multiple massive explosions were felt on five different points of Takigakure, sending its citizens into a frenzy with civilians running for their lives and ninjas dashing to the source of the explosion. The alarm signal was loud and haunting that people would surely hear it even in their sleep.

Civilians were ushered to take refuge by the temple, surrounded and protected by Genin shinobi. 

"Are you not going to help?" Zen whispered to her older self.

"I don't think they'd ever need my assistance" Rae whispered back, earning a pointed look from her younger counterpart; fully knowing what would happen on this day.

With a defeated sigh, Rae stood up from their place and approached a familiar Genin.

"Oi, Shibuki" She called with a deadpan. "Take me out there. I can help"

The young man stopped short of worried-hysteria and looked at the woman in confusion. "What?"

"I'm a medic" Rae explained. "I can help treat our wounded"

The refusal was obviously at the tip of his tongue before he was cut off by a rather close explosion and a sharp agonized shriek.

"Follow me" Then he quickly turned and ran with Rae not far behind.

* * *

After leaving the safe zone, Rae created a few solid clones to help her carry and transfer the wounded shinobi to the nearest possible safer place without compromising either the civilian citizens and the fighting ninjas. The battle went on for hours and the wounded kept piling up. Other Takigakure shinobi would also bring in their wounded comrades. To her relief, it only took them a couple of seconds to process that it was _her_ that was tending to the wounded with iryu ninjutsu.

She was tending to an amputee when it happened. There was an ominous glow of blue chakra that illuminated the whole village and then came the feeling of power behind it. If she hadn't felt it before, she would've choked on the sudden pressure behind it.

"D... dad" It was a choked whisper, but Rae heard it nonetheless.

Shibuki was staring at the source of the dense chakra in horror. He only took a step forward and his fellow ninja are already stopping him.

"You can't, Shibuki-sama" One ninja croaked sadly. 

"b-but--!" The young child's eyes reflected his wild terror for his father. The man holding him back could only look elsewhere in sadness and shame. The same could be said with the others in the med camp.

"Let me just finish this" Rae grumbled as she put in extra effort to heal the stump.

Multiple eyes looked at her in disbelief.

"What?" One of her patients asked, bewildered. But Rae didn't deign him an answer and wrapped up the stump instead with bandages.

"Done!" She sighed. Standing up from her previous position, she began stretching out the kinks in her body. She ignored the eyes that watched her every move and focused on her current task. Once she's done, she turned to her audience with a smile on her face.

"It's time for me to join the party"

* * *

A hand grasped at her loose civilian shirt. A trembling voice followed quietly.

"Will you save my father?"

Looking back, Rae could no longer see the confident genin she met all those weeks ago. What stood in his place was the fearful child she first met in her last life.

_Did his confidence leave him when his father died? Probably._

Gently removing the hand on her shirt, Rae gave it a firm squeeze.

"I can't promise you anything like that" She confessed. And she could see the world crumbling at this child's feet. "But what I can promise you is that this assault to the village ends tonight"

Without another word, Rae disappeared into the night.

* * *

As expected, Hisen was beyond saving. The price of drinking the Hero Water was too horrible to fix. The only way to save the old man was to regenerate every single cell in his body. But that is an impossible feat in this time and place. Takigakure is not equipped with advanced medical equipment that Konoha has. Even with Rae's advanced healing and sealing techniques, the process is too complex and near impossible.

* * *

Taking a deep breath, Rae exhaled a large plume of smoke. The assault on Takigakure might as well lasted the whole night. Currently, the citizens are mourning their loss, especially the death of their village leader, Hisen.

It was with great regret that Rae couldn't do anything to heal the kind, old man.

_"Why couldn't you save him?"_

If Rae was surprised about the appearance of her younger counterpart, she didn't show it.

"You..." Zen trailed off, "You could've saved him"

"I couldn't" Rae whispered in regret.

She took a moment to inhale deeply from her cancer stick before continuing after rather tired exhale.

"I could've put him in a coma, but that would only delay the inevitable"

Crushing the stick on the metal rails, Rae turned to her younger self.

"Would you do that to the poor old man? To make his son see just how much suffering his father is in, only to die in the end? No?"

Walking past the child, Rae ruffled her hair softly. With her voice filled with regret, she said: "I may be an Iryu-nin but I'm not a God, kid. I can't save every single life there is on the battlefield."


	11. Thoughts After The War

**[Future]**

Everyone has their own way of coping. Some of them cope with working themselves tired; some would travel; some would drink themselves silly. There are many ways to cope, but Nara Yoshino doesn't approve of the way her son is coping (or lack thereof). She knows, like anyone else, what it feels to lose friends on the battlefield. She'd been there.

She completely understands what her son is going through. Many of their clan's people and her own friends died in the recent war. No one was spared from grief. Even the Hokage (both former and current) and the infamous Team 7 wasn't spared from loss.

She had heard how the sole female member of Team 7 had fallen. She had also heard of the feats and contribution of the young kunoichi in the war. And Yoshino had heard of how important she is to their group of friends, especially to her own son. 

She felt familiar arms wrap around her and couldn't help but relax and smile. She turned around to give her husband a kiss. Shikaku wouldn't have been alive if it wasn't for her.

* * *

Nara Shikaku could still remember the day he entrusted his life in her hands.

 _He had just finished reporting to the_ _Godaime_ _Hokage and was rounding a corner when he saw her in one of the Tower rooms._ _Scrolls, books, detached parchments of papers, bottles of inks and brushes were piled on multiple tables with two clones poring themselves on them. She wasn't any different as she's hunched over one scroll herself._

 _It_ _wasn't an unusual sight as it was common for the last three years. It was like she took ownership of that room. The only time that it was vacant and clean was when she's out on a mission. Not even a hospital duty or a lunch break out could vacate that room of her presence as she always leaves a clone or two behind._

 _Aside from his own observations, Shikaku_ _had heard a few things about her from_ _Inoichi_ _(that came from_ _Ino_ _), from the Hokage, from_ _Kakashi_ _, and from his own son. It's not hard to believe that she's a diligent hard worker._

 _"Ugh!" His musings were cut short by the_ _kunoichi_ _as she groaned and stretched her no doubt stiff muscles. As if finally sensing that she's being watched, she turned from her seat and glanced in his direction._

 _"_ _Shikaku_ _-san!" She greeted with a startle. He returned her greeting with a nod and was about to walk off when she called his attention back._

 _"_ _Shikaku_ _-san!" She called, "I have a few inquiries if you don't mind"_

 _With a raised brow, he entered her room and watched as she_ _rummages_ _through her pile of scrolls._ _It wasn't as if he hadn't had a few chats with her before, it's just that ever since the_ _Kage_ _Summit, she had cooped herself up in this room without telling anyone what she was working on._

 _"I was wondering about our HQ" She rambled absently as she unraveled a scroll and skimmed through the pages of a notebook. Looking at the scroll,_ _Shikaku_ _recognized the barrier pattern. "Here!"_

_She handed him the notebook and continued on. "I was wondering if our HQ has protective seals. Because if we don't, I have a few suggestions in mind." She gestured at the notebook he was studying as she continued, "I've drafted a few barrier seals in the last two years and this one here..." She pointed at the scroll on the table, "... is my masterpiece."_

_"It can already withstand the strongest of_ _jutsus_ _" She said._ _Shikaku_ _noted that it doesn't contain a bit of boasting but rather it had frustration underlining it. "I'm still trying to tweak it up to withstand a Tailed-Beast Bomb"_

 _"A Tailed-Beast Bomb?" He asked, making sure that he heard that right. Of course, the Alliance Council has already discussed the possibility but no one knows how to deal with it aside from how the_ _Yondaime_ _Hokage used_ _Hiraishin_ _to transport the Tailed Beast Bomb to the sea._

_"Yes, sir" She didn't look at him but he could feel that she had already thought about this thought a couple of times. "We don't know how exactly Madara would attack us, but with 7 Tailed-Beasts, I'm not gonna doubt that he'd use them at his disposal"_

_"I've been reading the scrolls left behind by the_ _Shodaime_ _,_ _Nidaime_ _and_ _Yondaime_ _Hokage" She gestured at the two clones hunched over on separate tables. "I think I'm close to finishing this up"_

_"This is a brilliant " Was all he could say because it honestly is. "We don't have many ideas on how to defend the HQ from them"_

_She nodded and then retrieved a blank parchment of paper and a brush. She then proceeded to draw a crude geographic image of the supposed battlefield and the HQ location. She then encircled the area around HQ. "I was thinking of having a 300-mile radius from HQ" Then she stops. "Will that be enough?"_

_Shikaku_ _thought about it, analyzing the data he already has. "Let's make it five hundred miles"_

_It took her a while before she nodded and wrote the details down. "I'll send the modified seal before everyone moves out"_

_"I'll leave it to you then" He could only say. Whether it works or not, he's prepared to die either way. But seeing her resolve to protect the lives that would be in HQ is inspiring. It makes him want to see her finish the seal._

_"Yes sir" She grinned._

He could still remember that night when two Tailed-Beast Bombs came their way. The first one destroyed the barrier and he never thought that the shattering sound it made could be any more ominous. He was quick to relay his last strategy and supposedly last words when the second Tailed-Beast Bomb came too close. It exploded and sent a massive shockwave their way. To their utter surprise, they were alive.

The shockwave of the explosion threatened to collapse their building and damaged their equipments; thus rendered them unable to relay to the rest of their forces the news that they were alive and safe. When they investigated what happened, they discovered that Zen had placed five similar barriers around every hundred-mile in a 500-mile radius; and every attack they had received destroyed two barriers each.

The last remaining barrier was not in any good condition though. Normally, it was invisible to the naked eye unless you have a dojutsu like the Byakugan or Sharingan; but even without it, they could clearly see the cracks on it.

With the HQ rendered useless, they all rallied to join the frontline. Halfway through, the moon turned blood red and soon, the whole world was plunged in genjutsu. 

It was just sad that the one who saved them from death had been the one who had met it.

* * *

Neji was so sure he died but it seemed that he was wrong. The last thing he remembered before losing consciousness was telling Naruto his reason for shielding him and his cousin Hinata. He could still vividly remember Naruto desperately calling for a medic, and him telling him that it didn't matter. He was so sure he died but then he woke up back in Konoha wrapped in bandages and the war over.

Hinata relayed to him what happened after he lost consciousness. Zen had apparently put him in temporary stasis and quickly brought him to the med camp where a clone had operated on him with the assistance of Katsuyu (the slug summon). And then, shortly after he was removed from the battlefield, things went downhill. The previous Hokages arrived and attempted to subdue the Ten-Tailed Beast but Madara's imposter absorbed it and became a Jinchuuriki. Many more things had happened and Neji couldn't believe that it happened in only the span of a few hours. _New Three-Way-Deadlock? Madara coming back to life? The world plunged in genjutsu? And winning before dawn?_ It was outrageously impossible to wrap your head around, but this is Team 7 they were talking about. Everything impossible is _possible_ with them.

When he asked where Zen was so he could thank her, Hinata was close to tears and said that she was gone. After they were freed from the Infinite Tsukuyomi, the remaining members of Team 7 were frantically searching the battlefield. They said that she disappeared after sealing Madara. For weeks, teams would be sent out to look for her; even the other villages are helping in the search but in the end, her body wasn't found. They couldn't do anything but accept that she's gone.

Their friends had visited him shortly after, all of them expressing relief that he was recovering. It was obvious that they were genuinely worried about him, especially his teammates. He was quite surprised to see Gai-sensei in a wheelchair though.

After he was cleared off the hospital, he headed straight to the cemetery. Even though he knew that it was an empty grave, Neji still bowed in gratitude to the woman whose name was engraved on it. He owed her his life and promised not to waste it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Advance Notes:
> 
> 1\. When Zen failed to save the Sandaime, Asuma, and Jiraiya, she resolved to save the rest of her friends.  
> 2\. She also resolved to save Shikaku and Inoichi for Shikamaru and Ino. Though their deaths had inspired their children despite still being on the battlefield, their failure to confirm their safety still managed to push them both to their limits.  
> 3\. The barriers placed around HQ were 10x stronger than the barrier around Konoha.  
> 4\. Without proper equipment, Inoichi or any of the Yamanaka-clan members couldn't execute their Telepathy Jutsu to the army that is miles away from the HQ.  
> 5\. Zen managed to seal Madara, but Black Zetsu managed to unseal him and summon Kaguya.  
> 6\. Zen can't use the Strength of a Hundred Seal but can still summon Katsuyu and provide her necessary chakra to heal the people on the battlefield.


	12. Zen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Zen's birthday and her friends reminisce their time with her.

**[Future]**

_**["We're friends, right?"]** _

It was a question that rang in Ino's mind the whole day. An echo of a conversation long past. With a sigh through her lips, the platinum blonde kunoichi picked up the bouquet of flowers she had prepared that morning.

Today is the first of February, Zen's birthday.

The second time that it will be celebrated without her.

It's been a year since Zen was declared dead and many things have changed since then. Hopefully, this would be a happier celebration than last year. That was a disaster, honestly speaking since none of them wanted to acknowledge the fact that she was really gone. 

_**["** _ _**What kind of question is that?!** _ _**" Ino frowned at the other chunin. "** _ _**Of course we are!** _ _**"** _

_**"I'm relieved," The dark-haired woman replied with a small smile. "At least I know that I wouldn't be another flowerless grave"]** _

Ino owed Zen a lot. Not just because she healed her during the war or that she saved her father's life. Zen had taught her many lessons that she now deeply treasured. Zen had been the friend Ino had needed when she couldn't bring herself to reconcile with Sakura. Zen had been her study-buddy when they were learning to be a medic-nin. Zen had been her listening ear when no one else wanted to be. Zen had been her crying shoulder when Asuma died.

Ino owed her many things and the Yamanaka heiress could only pay her back by bringing flowers to her grave every now and then.

"I'm going out!" Ino hollered as she exited their shop. Faintly, she heard her father's reply to keep safe.

She smiled when she saw Choji patiently waiting for her and then sighed when she noticed that Shikamaru was nowhere in sight. It seemed like he won't be coming again this year. Not that she blames him. She as well as many of their friends and comrades had seen both him and Zen kiss during the war. It had been some respite for most of them to see them together especially practically most of Konoha (shinobi and civilian alike, no thanks to rumors spreading) knew that Zen was in love with Shikamaru. Ino deeply regretted bullying and accusing Zen to have been making a move on either Sasuke or Naruto just because she noticed that the dark-haired girl was overly friendly with the two.

**_["For the last time; I am NOT in love with Sasuke, Ino" Zen mutters in annoyance at the persistent blonde. Brown eyes scanning the various merchandise in each window. They were currently in the shopping district and Zen was trying to focus on the mental list of items she prepared beforehand._ **

**_"Then who do you like?" Ino's blue eyes stared unflinchingly at the other genin._ **

**_"I don't have one" Zen grits out._ **

**_"There has to be someone." The young blonde genin insists. "Even Hinata has someone she likes and she's the shyest girl in class" Then she smiles slyly. "Or maybe you like Naruto instead, and you just don't want to hurt Hinata's feelings if she found out?"_ **

**_Completely bewildered, insulted and annoyed, Zen restrained herself from pinning the Yamanaka Clan heiress to the nearest wall with a well-placed kunai. For a moment, she forgot that they were in the middle of the shopping district as she controlled her urge to cause bodily harm at her fellow genin._ **

**_"Okay, fine" Zen took a calming breath before pinning the other with a cold glare_ ** **_. "I like Shikamaru"_ **

**_Someone choked on the background and that's when awareness came back to Zen's senses. Slowly looking around, Zen had just noticed that they had gathered attention to themselves for a while now. And her normal voice level could've been a shout to the suddenly quiet alley. The worst part was that it was Asuma who had produced the sound and was coughing on his cigarette smoke. Beside him was Choji and Shikamaru who were both staring at them wide-eyed._ **

**_It took a few more seconds for the newly minted chunin to snap out of it and return to his normal slouch. With a sigh, he muttered "Troublesome"_ **

**_Feeling utterly humiliated, Zen abandons her plan to shop and promptly vanishes in a swirl of leaves.]  
_ **

It was only Kami's blessing that Zen forgave Ino and the two had formed a strong friendship after that.

When they reached the cemetery, Ino could instantly see the silhouette of some of their friends. Sakura, Hinata, Tenten, Lee, and Neji were already there, paying their respects. She could already smell the scent of a lighted cigarette that Sakura no doubt lighted for their friend.

When they reached their friends, Ino placed the bouquet beside the bouquet of white lilies that Hinata brought and Choji placed down a packet of Sour Cream chips that Zen had liked. Among their gifts, there was also an assortment of things like a kunai keychain that Tenten no-doubt brought, an unopened soda bottle (Lee), and Zen's favorite roasted almond pack (Neji).

"It's just us, huh" Sakura sighed sadly as she stares at the slowly burning cigarette on the ashtray. Reminiscing the first time she learned that Zen was a smoker. No one knows how, when and why she started smoking; it was just one day, they entered her workroom in the Hokage Tower and it was reeking of cigarette smoke and the leftover remains of multiple cigarettes were crushed on an ashtray. To say that Tsunade-sama was unhappy was an understatement. 

"Kiba-kun and Shino-kun are still out in a mission" Hinata replied. "They should be returning next week"

Ino sighed and all eyes turned to her and Choji.

"Shikamaru wasn't at home when I came by earlier" The Akimichi heir said. "Shikaku-san said that he'd left at dawn for a solo mission"

"It's doubtful that Team 7 would come as well" They all knew well that none of the remaining members of Team 7 would come here at the cemetery for the empty grave. None of them even dropped by even once the whole year.

It's heartbreaking that even now, the remaining members of Team 7 are still keeping an eye and an ear out for evidence that their sole female member would come back.

* * *

Kakashi was thankful that he didn't wake up in cold sweat that day. It wasn't the dreams of the death of his loved ones that had plagued his dreams last night, but rather the memories of his team as a jounin sensei. His recollection of them was so vivid that he thought that he'd been reliving them.

He dreamt of the first time he met his students...

**_["Hmm... How should I say this..." He struck a thinking pose, feigning to search the right words "My first impression of you guys are... I hate you all"]_ **

... and every mundane thing they've been up to.

**_["Sensei... I generally adore cats above all animals but this is ridiculous" Zen held Tora by the scruff of its neck, shaking the feline slightly. "How many times do we have to capture this guy in a week?!"]_ **

Ahh... Zen-chan... She was one of his kids.

 **_[Between the Uzumaki kid and the last loyal Uchiha, the only kunoichi in the team sat casually. She wore_ ** **_an open dark blue jacket over a black turtle neck undershirt with her hitai-ate tied around her left arm. She also wears black_ ** **_pants with her right thigh wrapped with bandages and strapped with a kunai holster. Her shinobi sandals are also black in color with an inch heel._ ** **_With her long raven black hair in a half updo and her large brown eyes, her plain looks could've fooled anyone into thinking that she's not a trained ninja._ **

**_"My name is Zen. No family name... I'm an orphan. I like takoyaki, candies, and almonds. I don't like raisins and raw food like sashimi. I write stories for a hobby. As for my dream for the future..." She stopped in thought, then shrugged as she said: "I don't have one yet."]_ **

His student who was so protective of her teammates.

**_["Naruto" She called their resident hyperactive teammate. "Walk between me and Sasuke"_ **

**_They were walking in the main street towards the Hokage Tower to get their mission quota for the day and the citizens glowering and glaring at the blond were not subtle enough to be missed._ **

**_"Eh?" Naruto blinked in confusion but still followed her instruction._ **

**_Behind the three genin, Kakashi smiled.]_ **

His student who was always curious about things.

**_["Can a human survive being sealed in a storage scroll?" Zen asked out of the blue once they were eating lunch in the training field. Brown eyes intently focused and studying the squiggly lines of the storage scroll that previously housed their bento boxes._ **

**_"Yes," Kakashi replied, gloved hand tracing a certain array in the seal matrix. "But you will have to alter the seal first so that they won't run out of oxygen while inside"]_ **

His student who didn't like getting left out.

**_["Naruto has Rasengan and Sasuke has Chidori" She folded her arms over her chest as she glared at the white-haired jounin reading his favorite book. "I want to learn something that'll be my signature too!"]_ **

His student who was as competitive as the other two genin in the team.

**_["I've always wanted to be a medic-nin" She said as she watches her teammates catch their breaths from their recent spar. "But I don't think that would be enough" She turns her intense gaze to the light-haired jounin beside her, his gaze as intense as her own as he studies his only female student carefully. "I want to learn Fuinjutsu, sensei"]_ **

And that very same student whose birthday is today.

Without meaning to, Kakashi found himself in front of the memorial stone. His eyes immediately found Zen's name among the long list.

**_[Kakashi turned around and walked towards the memorial stone._ **

**_"Look at this; numerous names are carved on this stone. These are ninjas who are recognized as heroes of the village."_ **

**_"Hey, I've decided to get my name on that stone too!"_ ** **_screamed Naruto enthusiastically._ ** **_"Hero! Hero! That's what I'll become!"_ **

**_"But they aren't just normal heroes..." Kakashi eyed the three teens, gauging their reaction to his next words. "they are all heroes who died while on duty."_ **

**_Immediately, Naruto's large grin vanished and the boy looked troubled. Sasuke also looked uneasy but Zen, on the other hand, looked like she knew from the start and had a wistful look on her face._ **

**_Nonetheless, Kakashi finished his piece._ ** **_"This is a memorial. My best friend's name is also carved here…"_ **

**_Kakashi allowed a short silence to let that sink in. He was surprised when he heard Zen's small voice whisper._ **

**_"I want my name carved there too"_ **

**_All eyes turned to her, but her focus was elsewhere._ **

**_"Must be nice..." She continued in a daze, seemingly unaware of the attention she garnered. "... to be recognized"]_ **

He should've known to recognize a red flag when he saw one. He should've investigated about it beforehand. If he did, he wouldn't have been blindsided when he saw her shaking in repressed emotions in her workroom at the Hokage Tower.

**_["C-can I ask for a hug, sensei?" She asked, her voice strained. Her head bowed, hiding her face in a curtain of dark locks. One hand timidly holding Kakashi's sleeve while the other pressed tightly on her eyes. Her body occasionally trembled in suppressed emotions. "I-I kind of need one r-right now"]_ **

He never found out what made her breakdown like that. No matter how many times he asked, she wouldn't answer. And even investigating on it proved futile when not a single clue or statement account from her friends seemed sound enough to warrant such reaction.

With a sigh, Kakashi checked the time using the position of the sun and realized that he's late for his duty. Glancing one last time at the memorial stone, Kakashi finally walked away.

 _I wonder if the team's back?_ He mused to himself. The other remaining members of Team 7 were out of the village on a (secret/personal) mission. Every member of the team are still determined to find their supposedly wayward kunoichi.

**_["She's out there, sensei" Naruto whispered when they left the Hokage's office after being told by the Godaime to stop their search. His eyes and voice are full of conviction as he stared at the remaining members of Team 7, his right-hand clutching the ripped Shinobi Alliance hitae-ate. The only thing they've found of Zen's after she disappeared._ **

**_"Naruto..." Kakashi felt like breaking apart all over again._ **

**_"I'm not saying this because I'm trying to be baselessly optimistic -ttebayo" The blond jinchuuriki gritted his teeth. "_ ** **_I know in my self that what she used was a sure-death jutsu" The other four looked away for a second, the topic is still sensitive for them to talk about. "But even dad's and the old man's bodies remained after using that same technique"_ **

**_"It was immensely modified, Naruto" Kakashi replied in a strained voice. With the number of people he'd lost in his entire life, it wouldn't surprise them if this is the last straw to break the camel's back. "No one can say how she managed that and what the effects are because it was never tested before"_ **

**_Naruto shook his head defiantly._ ** **_"I know that she's alive, guys. Giant Grandpa Sage had said it to me when he gave my prophecy._ ** **_"_ **

**_"You'd spend years searching for a young woman with the power of wind and seals" Naruto continued, recounting the part of the prophecy that never made sense before. "And would meet a child with a spitting image of her"_ **

**_"It could only be her -dattebayo!" Naruto emphasized._ **

**_"So what you're saying is that we'd be searching for years..." Tenzo asked with caution, "... and we either find her daughter or a de-aged version of her?"_ **

**_"Either which, it's proof that she's alive -dattebayo!" Naruto stressed out. "How will we ever find her if we stop searching?"_ **

**_"What if it's just a kid who resembles her?" Sasuke finally voiced his opinion after keeping silent the whole time. "What if it's neither her or her daughter?"_ **

**_"We'll never know until we meet her, right?" It was Sai who answered._**

**_None of them dared to voice out the possibility that future Naruto could've been searching for another person entirely who probably wouldn't resemble Zen at all_ ** **_]_ **

That prophecy was the only reason why Kakashi hadn't lost it yet. It is also the only reason why he accepted to be Hokage when the Godaime offered **(*ordered*)** him to take the hat. Because then, he could easily disguise Team 7's searching missions. He could just hope that they won't have to wait for long or he'd finally fall on that deep end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're still searching for Zen! *gasp*  
> Can you also smell trouble brewing?


	13. A Dream...?

When she was greeted with a room of towering papers, Rae instantly knew she was dreaming. She had probably fallen asleep while reading her pocketbook on the couch. Today was supposed to be a rest day for all of them and the kids were sleeping last time she checked.

She was in her workroom in the Hokage Tower. Did she miss it so much that she'd dream about it in clear detail? The paperback books, scrolls, and sheets of paper seemed disorganized at first glance, but that is only until she steps in the epicenter of this disaster. How many times had Tsunade-shishou demanded she clean up again? She could only chuckle at the memory. She was always acting like a mother.

Thinking about it, her friends here are like family to her. They're much more honest and transparent than what she was used to from in her first life:

Shizune was like an older sister constantly worrying about things.

Naruto and Sasuke are those brothers you don't always get along with but still love them unconditionally.

Kakashi was like an older brother who would be nonchalant in front of his siblings but would unquestioningly do the dirty work if it means his younger siblings stay away from it.

Sakura is like that best friend you have who would stand by you through thick and thin. The one who would be exasperated with your quirks but would still see through your shenanigans until the end.

Ino is like a twin sister. There is an abundance of things you'll get along with and would disagree on the smallest of things. But the disagreement wouldn't last long and you'd both be back hanging out together soon.

The rest of the other genin teams are like cousins and the other sensei are like aunts and uncles you only see on weekends.

But that only lasted as long as it did. When Sasuke deserted and Naruto left the village to train with Jiraiya, everyone seemed like walking on eggshells around her. Even Kakashi seemed to disappear in her life then; only to reappear once a week to ask how she was doing. But that was it.

That was the time she started shutting everyone out. Spending her days reading books and scrolls in the library and when her training with the Godaime Hokage started, she transferred her study area to the tower that eventually became her personal workroom.

She had lived life twice and even her second life was solely dedicated to studying. What happened to that **_"I'll live my life the way I wanted to from now on"_**? 

Looking around the room, a sudden sad thought ran through her mind...

**_Did I really waste away my second chance at life in here?_ **

She could still remember Sakura and Ino knocking on the door, asking what she'd eat for lunch and she'd reply with _"Whatever is available"_ and they would drag her out of the room to get something to eat. The first time she used the Shadow Clone technique was after her friends dragged her out of her workroom one too many times. It didn't end well after she collapsed from exhaustion in the middle of a pre-dinner gathering with the rest of the genin teams. It sent them scrambling to take her to the hospital. She was reprimanded for it by both Shizune and Tsunade and was banned from using the technique until she reached chuunin.

Sighing, Rae detached herself from the bittersweet memories and decided to leave the room. Just like how she remembered it, the tower is busy with shinobi traffic. Heaving another sigh, Rae let her mind wander as her feet led her wherever. It's not like this is real anyway.

"Zen-chan?" A familiar voice called hesitantly.

Glancing back, Rae is met with pale, pupilless eyes glistening with tears.

"Yes?" Rae asked. "OOOF!" She barely managed to keep her footing as the other tackled her into a hug. 

"Hinata?" She asked, unsure why the Hyuga heiress would be crying in her dreams.

"We missed you" The other mumbled onto her chest.

It brought a smile on Rae's face. "Really?" She asked as she returned the hug. "I don't think I spent too much time in my room to miss anything yet?"

The hug tightened and she could feel Hinata shaking her head.

"It's not like that..." Hinata mumbled.

"I missed you too" Rae replied instead because she does. "I miss everyone"

They stood there, in each other's embrace, ignored by other shinobi passing.

"Wanna eat some lunch?" Rae offered once she felt that Hinata is done crying. She received a couple of nods in reply. Gently detaching herself from the other, she wiped the other's tears off with her hand. "Does barbeque sound good?" and again, Hinata only nods in reply.

Leading the other out of the tower, they made their way to the barbeque place in silence.

Once they reached their destination, they were called by a team of familiar people. Ino, Choji, and Shikamaru are as usual, here.

"Zen?" Ino gasped and immediately, their table silenced.

"Yo!" Rae grinned and approached. "May we join you?"

"s-sure..." Ino replied in a daze. It's not only her but also both Choji and Shikamaru are looking at her in a daze as they joined their table.

After relaying their order, Rae cleared her throat. "What's up?"

There wasn't an immediate response but after a few minutes of silence, it was Shikamaru who answered. His voice faltered for a second before regaining that nonchalant tone he always wore.

"Ino went to a shaman to get her fortune read," He said. "She was duped."

Blinking, Rae raised a brow at her friend. "What did they say?"

"Eh? Ah.. She... Uhm.. " Seemingly startled, Ino fumbled over her words before sounding coherent, "She said I'd marry soon"

"How soon?" Rae asked, interest peaking. "And to who?"

"She didn't say..." Ino replied, "She just said that I'll meet my future husband in a restaurant"

"Any remarkable traits?" Rae pressed further. "Hair? Eyes? Skin tone?"

Ino grinned. "Black hair, brown eyes, and fair-skinned! She said he's handsome too!"

"That sounds too generic" Rae voiced, disappointed.

"That's what Shikamaru said too!" Ino replied, indignant and Rae could only shrug in reply.

"Because it is!" Rae protested. "Over more than half of Konoha have those characteristics!"

Their order arrived and Rae set to work about grilling meat, even handling Choji another plate of meat for him to grill.

"I could give you a better reading than that, you know?" Rae grins impishly. When Ino only replied with a raised doubtful brow, she challenged "Wanna try? It's free."

Momentarily contemplating, Ino reached out her hand and Rae swatted it away. "I don't need that"

"Huh?" Ino and the rest of their companions looked at her in confusion. "How will you read my fortune if you're not reading my palm?"

Rae continues grinning as she confidently replied. "Because I already know your future"

Ino took her hand back and waited expectantly.

Rae hummed, ignored the eyes focused on her, and idly turned over a few slices of meat on the grill.

"You already met your future husband" She started. "But you didn't meet him in a restaurant" She looked up at her friend and gave her a teasing smile. "You first met him in the hospital."

Ino still looked doubtful "I meet lots of people in the hospital!"

Her comment earned a chuckle from Rae.

"He's got black hair and eyes, He's incredibly pale too. I can't say that he's handsome for sure but..." Rae trailed off, teasing smile never wavering. "You said he's cute."

Once the meat is cooked, she set them aside for a new batch. As she was dividing the cooked meat between her and Hinata, Ino whined that there wasn't any concrete image to conjure based on her words.

"As far as I know, you'll volunteer to go on a mission to save him and Shikamaru," Said guy raised an eyebrow at that.

"Save me?" Shikamaru sounded skeptical. "From what?"

"Brainwashing" Rae replied seriously but waves it off. "Don't worry. Ino, Choji, and Temari would come to your rescue."

"Anyways," Rae pointed her chopsticks at her best friend. "You come to the rescue and break future husband out of the genjutsu he is in. Mission complete and then you take the initiative to ask him out."

There was a tense silence following that. All teens trying to absorb what had been said.

"That's bullshit" was finally said and it was Shikamaru who said it.

Rae shrugs in response to that. "Believe it or not, it will happen"

"What's your proof?" Shikamaru challenged but the other just gave another shrug in response.

"Don't have one" She said nonchalantly.

Ino deflated in disappointment and Rae felt bad for it. 

"You don't need a reading, idiot" Rae said after an exasperated sigh. "Haven't you heard Naruto screaming for all the world to hear that he'll create his own fate? You should learn a thing or two from the guy"

Ino sighed and grumbled something unintelligible. Taking Ino's plate, Rae filled it with meat and replaced it in front of her.

"You should eat it out instead of sulking like a child" She encourages before digging into her own plate.

There was small talk after that and once they were done eating, instead of going their separate ways, Ino stuck to her side along with Hinata on the other.

"What's wrong with you two?" Rae frowned. Surely she wouldn't consciously dream about her friends clinging to her like she'll disappear any minute.

"We just want to stay with you a bit more" Ino mumbled and Rae could feel Hinata nodding her head. "Besides, I do this to you too before so what's the matter?"

"You're clinging to me like I'll run off and disappear forever!" Rae protested. That just made the two cling to her tighter. "Ughhh..." She sighed. "Fineeee~! Just loosen up a bit." And they did, but still not letting go of her arms.

"Are you two coming too?" Rae asked both Shikamaru and Choji, and they both agreed. Sighing, Rae led the group through the streets of Konoha and absorbed the scene she dearly missed.

"Are you guys doing alright here?" Rae whispered to her friends. Both Hinata and Ino pressed into her again as they both nodded. "Come on, guys! Let up!" Rae whined. "I'm a clingy person in nature but this is too much!" But the two didn't let up as pleaded.

She turned towards both Choji and Shikamaru and pathetically pleaded at them. "A little help?"

Sighing, Shikamaru pried Ino off of her, passed her to Choji to keep in place, and worked on prying Hinata off next. When she was finally free, she only had a moment of freedom before she was wrapped in Shikamaru's strong arms.

"W-wha--?!" She stuttered, pulse speeding, and face flushing.

"Because this is a dream" Shikamaru replied silently. Voice sad and regretful. "Because now, I can only hug you in a dream"

His remorseful voice and words sent a pang of regret to her own heart. For a dream, this feels so real. It brought tears to her eyes as she wrapped her own arms around him. All she could say is an apology. Because she finally understood why Hinata and Ino are clinging to her. To them, she might as well be dead. 

_"I'm sorry"_ Rae silently cried in his arms, **_"I'm so sorry"_**

She had been too careless in her decisions, not even thinking twice about using an untested jutsu. Not thinking and not believing that there are people who would miss her when she's gone. Until the end, she didn't believe that she was actually loved. 

**_"I'm so sorry"_ **

* * *

Rae woke up back in their apartment with tears streaming down her cheeks. Silently, she rushed to the bathroom, locked herself in, and cried herself dry. Hopefully, the kids won't notice something amiss.

* * *

**[FUTURE]**

Four people woke up with heavy hearts; all of them missing a certain friend. Unknowing that all of them had the same dream.


	14. Memories of Her

**[FUTURE]**

There was a commotion in the Hokage's office when he came back home after a two weeks long mission to Suna. Naruto's angry voice was unmistakable, muffled as it is. The hallway was deserted aside from the man standing guard outside the office door. His father, Nara Shikaku, looked weary and burdened by something as he saw his son approaching his position.

"What's going on?" Shikamaru asked as soon as he neared his father's position by the door. Naruto's words are still unclear but Shikamaru understood that there was probably a silencing barrier activated inside. This, in itself, is concerning considering the volume Naruto might be speaking inside to have his voice escape the barrier.

His father sighed as he stared at him in contemplation, finally, he spoke. "A mission just came in." Shikamaru waited in confusion as his father watched him even closer. "The landlord wants Zen-san's place cleared out"

Shikamaru understood. It was expected. It had been a year and a half since Zen was declared dead. It was high time that her things be cleared away. Shikamaru understood that, he did. But it didn't mean he has to like it.

To Team 7, clearing her apartment might as well mean that they're giving up on her. Taking away her place to return to and all. Even Naruto's apartment wasn't taken from him when he left to train for 2 and a half years.

It set a heavy feeling in his heart. Well, _heavier._ As if the weight that resided in it in the last year and a half was a joke.

"I-I see" Shikamaru choked out.

"The clean-up would be tomorrow" his father informed before he looked back to the door leading to the Hokage's office. He sighed and left, patting his son's shoulder as he passed by him.

For a moment, Shikamaru only stood there, lost in his thoughts. By the time he shook himself out of it, he found himself in front of a door in the tower with a familiar sign that says:

**["WORKING ON SOMETHING DANGEROUS, DO NOT STARTLE"]**

Though it brought a small smile on his face, Shikamaru couldn't help but feel saddened. He doesn't have much memories here aside from watching her work from the open door. Never really coming inside unless necessary. Like when he asked for her written report after their mission and she went straight here to work on an idea.

A snort left him as he remembered that memory. He stood by the discarded open door for two hours watching her sort out her thoughts, draft and discard a multitude of seal arrays until she remembered that he was there and she had to write a mission report.

He remembered her haunched by a desk, a brush in hand and ready to draw a new seal draft. He didn't even have to use his Shadow Possession Jutsu and still, she froze in her tracks. Slowly and mechanically, she turned to where he was waiting and smiled sheepishly. She invited him in, gestured at a vacant chair and told him, _"This will be done in a jiffy"_

And it did. The report only took a few minutes to finish and she was apologizing for the wait. Honestly, Shikamaru didn't mind. When she's immersed in work, he sees a different side of her. A side with no masks to keep in place.

Reaching for the doorknob, Shikamaru took a steadying breath before twisting it. And then his heart sunk at what he saw inside. Instead of a messy room filled with scrolls, books and parchments, the room was practically bare aside from a few. Through the darkness, he could see four boxes stacked up in two columns on the floor and the tables that used to be scattered with papers are now cleared and was pushed back to the wall.

_**This can't be...** _

Immediately hitting the light switch, the first thing he noticed was the thick dust that gathered everywhere. Evidence that no one had been here for months. None of their friends had mentioned that they had been here or that the Hokage (both the previous and the current) had ordered for this room to be cleared. No one dared to come in here, not only because it's Zen's room, but also because her works are too delicate to be handled by others.

He could clearly remember seeing a nosy group of chuunin coming in here when she was out on a mission and they accidentally activated a seal draft that was meant to be triggered by touch. Pandemonium broke out as storage seals containing jutsus and weapons activated. For three months Zen wasn't able to use this room and the ones who snuck in here were demoted back to Genin. Ever since that incident, no one barged in this room anymore. It's a hazard for anyone who is under Jounin status or anyone who doesn't know Zen personally. And as friendly as she may be, he hadn't heard about her being overly friendly with anyone aside from their group of friends.

The only ones capable of handling this are the 5th Hokage, Shizune, Sakura, Ino, members of the Hyuga Clan, and Team 7. But Team 7 barely stays in Konoha anymore ever since the War. He didn't hear anything from Ino either; whether both she and Sakura cleared this room or if either of their friends did. He's sure that he wouldn't miss it and Ino wouldn't keep it to herself. The Hyuga might help but they respect the attachment they had with her. It was probably Shizune but last he checked, both her and the 5th Hokage weren't in Konoha ever since the 6th was inaugurated. The 6th Hokage could've done it too, but Shikamaru knew how busy he had been ever since taking the hat. 

The last conclusion he could think of is that Zen did this herself. But that would mean that she was prepared to not return from the war.

_**["Everyone here is prepared to die, Shikamaru" she whispered, "Even you"]** _

His heart sunk lower if that was even possible. Because it was true. He was prepared to die, and no doubt so was she. And if she cleared this room herself, then that would mean that she also cleared out her apartment already.

He stood there by the door, silently staring at nothing. Lost in thoughts and memories until someone placed a hand on his shoulder, startling him. Glancing back, he saw his father, looking at him worriedly. He didn't know he was crying until his father wiped them away with a calloused hand.

"Have you reported in yet?" His father asked and Shikamaru shook his head in reply as he felt his throat constrict. His father said no more as he was led out of the tower and towards home.

When they got home, his mother only looked at him sadly and in sympathy. He didn't like that look. Ever since the war ended, all people ever did was look at him like that. That's why he didn't want to leave his room or even stay in Konoha for too long. Because when he's home, Ino and Choji would drag him out to hang out. And hanging out would bring up memories he rather not remember. Because wherever he looks, he sees her memory.

He went to his room mechanically, shut the door and laid down on his bed. His mind wandered back to that day when Asuma died. He didn't remember much but he knew that Zen had been on a different mission and had come back at the same time as them. He could remember her asking what was wrong and Ino rushed and cried in her arms. He couldn't remember what happened next and just found himself at home, locked in his room. She came by the compound after Asuma's funeral (which he didn't attend), wanting to speak with him but he didn't want to see her then, so he had ignored his parents' calls to come out. It made him feel bad, but he has a strategy to set up.

When the Godaime stopped them from leaving for their revenge, she was there with Kakashi and was ready to assist them. But the Hokage stopped her, saying that she had another mission for her. She was ready to protest but Kakashi had reassured her that they would be fine. She didn't look convinced but stepped back nonetheless. Instead, she handed them a set of seals each.

**_["This will suit your technique better," She said to him as she handed him his set first. "Stick this to a regular weapon and it'll work just the same in a chakra blade"]_ **

It was scary how she figured out his strategy when he didn't even talk to her the whole time.

**_[She turned to Kakashi. "Stick this to your abdomen, above your chakra core" She instructed. "It's a chakra storage seal that you could activate once you feel like you're running low."_ **

**_Then she turned to Choji next. "I hope you don't resort to your family's three pills on this mission," She said to him, "But if ever you did, stick this above your chakra core. When activated, it will marginally slow down the spread of the poison." Then she looked at him sternly. "It will only slow it down, not remove it. Understood?"_ **

**_Choji had nodded nervously in reply._ **

**_Then at last, she turned to Ino._ **

**_"This is a seal for a quick shield. It can withstand Air Bullets and a blast of Lightning Strike" She had said as she handed the said seal and another. "And this one is the same as Kakashi-sensei's" She wasn't even done explaining and Ino already had her in her arms, hugging the other in gratitude._ **

**_"All seals don't need hand-signs" Zen added as she returned Ino's hug. "Just a touch of chakra would activate it"]_ **

And before they left, she said one last information that made things a tiny bit easier and gave him a headstart on how to adjust his strategies. 

**_["Kakuzu has five hearts," She said. "One for each nature transformation and the last one is his real heart"_ **

**_"Five hearts...?" They were stunned at the new information. Even the Hokage was taken by surprise._ **

**_She nodded in confirmation. "What I know is only based on the rumors I gathered." Kakashi nodded for her to continue. "Rumors has it that Kakuzu takes the heart of his opponents to replace whatever heart that was destroyed. And whatever Nature Affinity this heart belongs to would transfer to Kakuzu; making him capable of wielding it as his own."]_ **

Even with that information in mind, they still had a hard time dealing with him. They were immensely grateful to the seals she gave them, they helped a lot. Especially when they've spent too much chakra in too little time.

It was with great surprise to find her waiting outside the Nara forest when he came out. It turned out that she was part of the back-up that was sent to assist them. She didn't say anything else aside from asking if he's injured. He silently watched her examine him with clinical precision. Asuma's last words about her rang in his head.

**_["She's nice, you know" Asuma rasped, lips curling into a bloodied smile. "You wouldn't find anyone better than her who likes a lazy bum like you..."]_ **

He wasn't really injured. Just a few scrapes and bruises but she diligently checked them all. Carefully checking for possible poison or damages in his chakra system.

**_["Do you like dango?" he had asked after finally having enough of the silence. He knows that she's refraining from asking anything out of respect. Because that's how she is._ **

**_She blinked, frowned at him in confusion at the seemingly random question before slowly shaking her head._ **

**_"Seriously?" He asked in surprise. "Why?"_ **

**_"Because they taste bland...?" She had replied, sounding unsure._ **

**_"No, they don't" He argued. "Where did you had it?"_ **

**_"Anko took me to her favorite dango shop a few months ago" She replied, and then went back to concentrating with checking him up._ **

**_"What do you like then?" He had insisted._ **

**_"Anmitsu" She replied._ ** **_]_ **

The next day, he took her to the tea shop in 7th street where he knew served delicious anmitsu. In the middle of their comfortable meal, they sensed multiple people spying on them. Their mutterings were a dead giveaway to who they were. When Zen had glanced at the source, the gang immediately ducked out for cover.

**_["What's wrong with them?" She had asked, completely confused._ **

**_"They're being idiots" He replied in exasperation._ **

**_When they were done eating, Zen had gone straight towards where their friends were hiding. And lo and behold, all of their friends were in complete attendance (with the exception of Naruto who was still in the hospital and Sai who wasn't close with everyone yet)._ **

**_"What are you doing?" She asked them and the bastards had the decency to look sheepish. But Ino bulldozed through._ **

**_"We didn't want to interrupt your date" She teased._ **

**_"Huh?" Zen frowned in honest confusion. "What are you talking about?"_ **

**_Ino paused for a minute and then laughed, thinking the other was joking. "Don't deny it, Zen! You two are obviously out on a date!"_ **

**_"Huh? We're n--"_ **

**_Before she could finish her reply, he pulled her by the waist and shunshined them both out of there. For a moment, the world stood still and the only thing Shikamaru knew was that his heart was beating like crazy... and that Zen was in his arms, looking up at him with a cute blush on her face]_**

And just like that, the moment ended when an ANBU dropped down beside them. They immediately separated as if they were burned and swallowed the embarrassment they both felt. The Hokage had needed Zen. So she left with the ANBU and he was left there in his favorite field, pondering about his feelings.

That was the day he found out **_he liked her._**

He didn't know when it started but just that he does. He had felt lucky that he knew that the woman he liked would return his feelings. He didn't know how much she liked him but just that she did. Confessing his feelings went out the window as soon as the news reached them that Sasuke killed Orochimaru. She and her team had worked overtime to reach their wayward teammate.

And now, he forever lost his chance. Because _**she's gone.**_


	15. What Are You Up To?

**[ PAST ]**

When Rae said that they’ll be learning the Tree-Walking exercise, she didn’t mention anything about running, or jumping, or anything other than WALKING! It started out like any normal day for Zen and Karin; wake up, eat, then train. Then, a group of genin team was there; all curious and patiently waiting.

It turns out that Rae had sent in a request for an assist and right now, three teenagers are added to their pair. Yamamoto Kenji, a tall teen with large brown eyes, easy grin, and wearing a loose-fitting blue shirt and grey pants, held one of his teammates from decking another teammate. Sato Gin, a shorter teen than Yamamoto, glared his grey eyes at their last teammate. His arms crossed over his brown sleeveless jacket as Yamamoto kept a firm grip on his hood, he also wore cream-colored pants and inner shirt to match his jacket. Ito Masato stood ways away from his teammates as his sharp black eyes study the two kids they’ll assist in training. He wore a loose-fitting black short-sleeved jacket and black shorts.

Nakamura Kyoko is the Jounin Sensei of the three teens. She is in her late 20′s and wore the standard purple flak jacket of Takigakure over a matching lavender shinobi shirt and pants. She has black hair, dark brown eyes, and a pretty face. She conversed quietly with Rae and every few seconds, the younger female’s hand would gesture at the field or at some other things while keeping a close eye on the kids.

“Zen! Karin!” Rae finally called, once they were done discussing.

“Kenji! Gin! Masato!” Kyoko also called to her students.

The five kids converged around the two older females and their activity was finally laid out for them.

“Nakamura-san had informed me that you three had recently started on chakra manipulation?” Rae addressed the trio of males in the group and all three nodded in confirmation. “So our activity right now is to enhance your mastery on it using the game of _**‘Tag’**_ ”

“In this game,” the older female cut in before protests were voiced. “Instead of just running around anywhere you want, you would be putting your training into use. Until we tell you to stop, you lot would only be walking sideways or upside-down”

“Buildings, trees or whatever” Rae grinned. “Just as long as you don’t walk upright”

“Are you trying to kill us?!” Zen was quick to voice her thoughts with Karin nodding vigorously behind her. “We just learned tree walking today!”

“It’ll be fine~” Rae sing-songed. “Trust me, it’ll be fun!”

“She finally lost her mind” Zen muttered to her friend in horror.

“Rae-nee...” Karin looked up at her with horrified eyes but said woman only grinned wider.

“Short stick would be **_‘it’_** ” Nakamura said as she held out a cylindrical container with sticks on it.

The three genin reached out for their chosen stick without complaints and the two kids reluctantly followed.

“Please go easy on us” Zen muttered, defeated. “We’re still 6, you know”

“Stop guilt-tripping them” Rae sighed, her grin dimming.

“It’s because you’re pitting us against guys twice our age!” Zen barked in annoyance.

“It’s because I trust you’d win!” Rae said dramatically which Zen rolled her eyes at. Rae then held up her hand, curiously inspecting her nails. “And Shibuki made a bet that you wouldn’t win”

Hearing that last bit, Zen stared at her, horrified.

“Don’t make me lose another 5,000 ryo” Rae gave a closed-eyes smile before disappearing in a puff of smoke, leaving her charges completely bewildered.

“Did she really just paid 5,000 ryo for this mission just to earn another 5,000 ryo from Shibuki-sama?” Sato Gin asked, stunned and unnerved. His feelings were mirrored by his team when even Nakamura-sensei stared, stupefied, at the spot Rae had just been a moment ago.

“Karin...” Zen looked ready to murder someone as she reached out for a stick, “I don’t think we can afford to lose 10,000 ryo in one sitting”

“I don’t want to eat any more sweet potatoes until her next payday” Karin said as she reached out to the last stick, determined.

They all pulled and in an instant, they were sticking sideways to their own trees. Black eyes narrowed as he dropped the short stick with red paint at the bottom tip. He won’t go easy on them. Not on his friends or the kids.

**“START!”**

* * *

**[ FUTURE ]**

It was in the dead of the night that Kakashi found himself standing in front of a familiar door. He couldn’t sleep, as usual. Tonight’s dream was not kind to him. And no matter how tired he is, he couldn’t go back to sleep. And now, here he is, standing in front of Zen’s apartment. The keys for it weighed heavily in his hand.

The sound of soft footfalls on the concrete floor drew him out of his thoughts. Looking at the direction of the sound, Kakashi waited for the approaching person to appear in his vision; only to sigh at the familiar raven head.

“Sasuke”

“Sensei,” said teen greeted back and stood beside the silver head quietly. He doesn’t question why his sensei is there or why they were only standing there.

“I’m surprised you know where this place is” Kakashi finally said after a while.

“Naruto said that she used to rent in the same building as him” Kakashi nodded in confirmation. Looking away, Sasuke disregarded his previous line of thought as he instead said, “I noticed your chakra signature nearby so I came to check it out”

“Just tell him you couldn’t sleep” A new voice joined in and a familiar blond appeared in the hallway. “You’ve been walking around the village in the dead of the night and sticking to the shadows like a creep”

“Naruto” Kakashi was surprised. For someone so loud, Naruto could be so quiet that it’s sometimes unnerving.

“Oi, Sai! Captain Yamato!” Naruto frowned at the far corner of the hallway. “You can come out now, you know”

The two new members of Team 7 dropped down from where they were hiding and solemnly approached the three. They were tasked to keep an eye on Sasuke ever since he came back to the village.

“This looks like a team rendevous” Kakashi jokes and reached out to unlock the door with the key he was provided with. A spare key was given to him by Zen herself for safekeeping when she first got the apartment.

But when he twisted the key, he found no resistance.

“It’s unlocked?” Kakashi voiced his surprise and then reached out to open the door. The first thing he was expecting was to see someone else inside, but there was no one. The lights were off and the air smells like dust. Reaching out to where he remembered the switch was located, he flicked it on. Thick, undisturbed dust gathered everywhere but the most concerning about the place was that it was bare of any personalization. The plethora of books Kakashi remembered Zen owned were nowhere to be seen. The bookshelf was bare of its usual contents and the walls were stripped off of their usual decor.

“It’s clean” Naruto was bewildered. He knew as well as the rest of the team (except Sasuke) just how messy this apartment had been on a regular basis. One by one, they entered the apartment.

“Look at this” Yamato called out from the far side of the living room. He was standing in front of numerous boxes. They were labeled accordingly: Sealing Department, Orphanage, Library, Hospital, For Disposal and the last one...

“For Returns?” Naruto read out, confused. Separating the said box from the rest, he opened it curiously. The first thing they saw was a parchment of high-quality paper that Sai immediately recognized. He watched as Naruto took the folded thick paper and carefully unraveled it. True to his suspicion, the parchment was the painting he gifted her. He remembered her hanging that painting here in the sitting room by the couch.

He ignored the looks given to him as he studied the other contents of the box. He recognized some of them being similar gifts to their only female teammate. He turned to the other box labeled “For Disposal” and took it away from the pile. Unceremoniously opening it, he was greeted by dozens of papers and notebooks.

“She really was prepared to not return, huh?” A new voice said, startling them. Looking at the source, they saw Shikamaru leaning by the doorframe with the rest of the Konoha 11 outside.

“What are you guys doing here?” Naruto asked, confused.

“I was just about to take a night stroll when this lot appeared outside my house” Shikamaru jerked a thumb, pointing at their friends. Said friends only greeted in their own (albeit suppressed) ways.

“I think Zen wanted to return our gifts”, Sai said as he took the painting from Naruto’s hands and sealed it in a storage seal.

“Of course she does” Shikamaru sighed as he entered the apartment after their friends. He looked around and was unsurprised at the bareness of it. “Her workroom had been the same”

For a moment, no one really moved, just converging on the said box that contained the things they gave her as a gift. Staring at it sadly. Then Ino knelt down before it, taking out the things she remembered giving her best friend. Small trinkets she bought on missions outside the village as souvenirs. When she was done, she sealed it away on a scroll and stood up.

Choji didn’t really give her anything to keep as a memento, because he preferred giving her consumables like chips or anything food-related. So he stepped back to stand beside Ino and Shikamaru.

Hinata was next to approach the box. She knelt down beside it similarly with Ino and took three things from the pile. An empty wooden jar of salve, a simple keychain of a cat, and a simple gemmed hairpin. She was thankful that the jar was empty. It meant that Zen had used it. When she was done, she placed them inside her ninja pouch. When she was done, she stood up and went to the back to let the others take their turns.

Kiba was quick to take the dog whistle inside the box and the small plush toy of a grey dog. Then he stood beside Hinata at the back.

Shino was just as quick, albeit more sedately than his teammate. He retrieved a single item of a small crystalized dead female kikaichu. Understandably, his friends looked at him in confusion, so he explained.

“Why, you ask?” He said, “It is because she refused to give it back after the Chunin Exams where I used my bugs when we were against each other during the Finals. When the Kikaichu died, she went to see me and said she wanted it crystalized”

Then he went to stand beside his teammates.

Tenten was next to crouch down before the box. She took a pristine black box. For a moment, she hesitated before opening it. Between the kunai-shaped moulds were a couple of pictures. One of them was the day Tenten gave the gift to their friend as a birthday present. The picture was focused on Zen’s surprised face as she stared at the opened box of personalized kunai set. Tenten herself was beside the celebrant with an excited look on her face as she waited for Zen to try them out. The next picture was of Zen tackling Tenten midair for a teary hug. The next one had been when they fell to the ground with Zen still hugging the life of her. The last picture was of Team Gai with Zen in the middle, smiling genuinely at the camera while holding out her right hand in a V-sign. This one was when they were newly promoted to Chunin and Zen suggested to commemorate it with pictures. She had taken one for each team since hers weren’t available at the time.

Nobody commented on it when they heard Tenten sniffle as she stood up and went to the back.

Lee was the next to come forward. There was a familiar green cloth in the box and when Lee took it out, nobody was surprised at what it was. It was a green spandex similar to what he and Gai were wearing. He also took out a pair of worn-out heavy duty hand grippers. Similarly, nobody said anything when they heard him sniffle as he shuffled to the back.

Neji came forward next; not really expecting to see anything he might take back. Then he spotted a familiar article of clothing. It was a dull blue shirt he used to wear underneath his beige jacket when he was still a genin. He remembered lending it to her. Though he didn’t remember her returning it, he didn’t really mind. Seems like he’d be taking it back. Silently, he stood beside his still-sniffling teammates.

Nobody came up next after that. They looked at the members of Team Seven to see why they aren’t taking anything, only to see them looking at Shikamaru who was staring at the box labeled “For Disposal”

Feeling the eyes staring at him, Shikamaru turned his gaze back at them.

“I didn’t really give her anything,” He said with a shrug before staring back at the box.

“Really?” It was Sasuke who asked. His mismatched eyes staring inside the previous box. “That’s your jacket, isn’t it?”

Confused, Shikamaru stepped forward with a frown. Then surprise hit him when indeed, true to Sasuke’s inquiry, it was his jacket. To be specific, it was the one he had used when he was still a genin. **_How did she get that?_**

Taking the said jacket, he noticed that it was washed and carefully mended. And when he thought that it was all he’d take, his eyes caught sight of a pair of familiar stud earrings. It was a simple pair of black circle studs similar to what he’s wearing. He bought it in Takumi Village during a lull in their mission. Zen had asked what it felt like to get an ear piercing and that’s when he noticed that she didn’t have one. He remembered offering to do it with the stud he just bought but she refused, stared at him in horror, and stayed as far away from him for the rest of the mission. He now remembered giving it to her after reporting back to the Hokage, telling her that if she didn’t want him to do it, she could ask Ino instead. He never saw her wear it, so of course, it would be here in the box. With a sigh, he took it too before approaching the other open box he’d been eyeing the whole time.

The seal draft on top of the pile of papers was one he recognized her making during one of their missions. She took all shifts of night watch duty just to work on it. When she attempted to take another set of watch duty the next night, he finally put his foot down and ordered her as their squad leader to hit the sleeping bag. She was knocked out within seconds and she never got to finish the draft because she had another idea to mull over.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Naruto speak.

“Really, sensei?” The blond hero asked his sheepish silver-haired sensei in a deadpan. “You gave Zen a copy of Icha-Icha?”

“That was you?” Shikamaru couldn’t stop the question from escaping him. But then amended quietly to himself, “Of course it was him. Who else would dare give it to her anyway?”

There was a dry chuckle from Tenten as she wiped a stray tear away. “I remember seeing Zen reading that during the Chunin Exams”

The others chuckled too in remembrance.

“She didn’t want to give away that she knows Fuinjutsu or medicine so instead of reading any of her textbooks, she whipped that book out,” Ino said quietly, remembering the horror she felt when she recognized the book her friend shamelessly took out. Her horrified scream had caught many of the participants’ eyes (including their friends) and it probably had helped Zen a lot with her strategy. Many non-Konohan participants had underestimated her for that simple stunt.

And then something caught her eye. In Sasuke’s hands was a familiar handkerchief that Zen always used. She always believed that the stitched **“S”** on the corner of the fabric had meant that it was Sakura’s.

When no one else seemed to make another move or talk, Shikamaru crouched down before the box he’d been inspecting. He riffled through the papers and noticed they were the seals Zen had been working on before the war broke out. He didn’t recognize all of them or what they are for but he saw her work on them before with diligence.

Shikamaru doesn’t get it. If Zen was really as prepared as he thought she was then why does this box labeled “For Disposal” even here when she could’ve disposed it herself. Did she hesitate to dispose of it herself? But if she did, what was so important that she’d hesitate?

“Shika?” Ino called out to her silent friend. Shikamaru had that intense look on his face he usually only wore when he’s thinking deeply. “What’s wrong?”

All of the other people in the apartment turned to him in confusion and suddenly, he felt conflicted. There are many scenarios that could happen if he told them his thoughts and not one of them was a positive probability.

So he stood up, hefted the box in his arms, and told them in his usual bored voice. “I’ll take this with me” Before Naruto could protest, Shikamaru cut him off. “These are only drafts she had already discarded. I want to study them since I recognized most of them as ideas she had already confided with me before”

And that wasn’t a complete bullshit.

It took a few more minutes before Kakashi nodded in consent.

“If we’re done here, then I’d take my leave”, He said before exiting the apartment. He was just out the door when he shunshined back to the Nara Clan Compound. He immediately entered the main house and swiftly went to his room.

Sleep eluded him that night as he carefully sifted through the piles of papers, trying to find a clue why Zen didn’t discard this pile herself.


	16. Troublesome

**[PAST]**

**_In the end, Rae lost ten thousand Ryo._ **

Everyone involved in the game of **_Tag_** was almost dead on their feet and the kids were worse off. Zen and Karin couldn't even muster the strength to walk home, resulting in Rae to carry them. And when they arrived home, there was a hot pot of miso soup ready for them.

Rae smiles serenely as she served their meal for the night.

"You can sleep in tomorrow," She says to her exhausted charges. "You'll start water walking training after lunch"

Zen groaned at the mention of training and Karin buried her face in her hands in defeat.

"You did great today" Rae smiles encouragingly. "I'm sure you'll be fine tomorrow."

"I heard that Water Walking is harder than Tree Walking" Karin voices out as she sips on her soup.

"It is" Rae confirmed. "It's because you need to constantly adapt to the liquid matter to stay afloat instead of using a constant amount of chakra to stick to a solid surface"

And when Karin looked at her in confusion, Rae merely smiled and gestured to continue eating. "You'll understand tomorrow"

"I'm sooooo done for today" Zen groaned after finishing her food. As soon as she stood up to leave, she dropped down again on her seat in pain. She looked up to the oldest member of their little family in a plea. "Take me to the room?"

Smiling, Rae stood up and carefully carried both kids to the bedroom. 

"Good night"

.

.

.

It wasn't even three hours later before the kids were woken up by an unusual disturbance.

Groaning, Zen slipped out of bed with a moan of pain. Beside her, Karin only snuggled deeper into the covers, covering her head with a pillow to muffle any more sounds. Zen glanced at her enviously. If only she wasn't mentally older she would do the same. But she knows that Rae isn't at home tonight and wishes that whatever it is that woke her up just be a mice or two.

 _ **Rae shouldn't take any more double shifts.**_ She groaned.

The moment she left the bedroom, she felt it. **Something ominous was in the dark.**

Frozen in fear of the unknown, Zen couldn't even utter a sound much less a scream. Cold sweat formed on her skin, making her shiver. The pressure was too much and it brought her down to the ground. It must have been the pain in her muscles that jerked her out of her frozen state and crawled back inside the room.

"K-K-Karin!" Zen stuttered, fear still dominant in her. But the redhead didn't respond.

Closing and locking the door, Zen backed away from it in fright. The soft footfall in the silent apartment was as loud as a war drum to Zen's ears and it sent her panic into overdrive. Crawling determinedly to her friend's side of the bed, she shook her insistently.

"Karin wake up!" She whispered. "We need to go!"

Removing the pillow from her head, Karin looked at her friend in confusion. "Why?"

"Someone's in the apartment!" Zen immediately said.

"Rae-nee?" Karin asked, afraid.

Zen shook her head. "She's at work" 

Pulling herself upright, Zen staggered to open the window. They were on the third floor and the jump from this height can definitely injure them if not kill them. Thank Kami they learned tree-walking.

But before they could even step up to the window sill, the bedroom door slammed open. A man stood hidden in the dark shadows but Zen didn't need a light source to know who he is. The glowing, slitted pupils, snake-like golden eyes were a dead giveaway.

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_"Orochimaru"_** Zen whispered in fright.

* * *

In a certain restaurant filled with happy, slightly drunk patrons, a shrill sound erupted amidst their merrying. In an instant, the restaurant quieted and glanced at the source of the sound. The doors to the kitchen proper were slammed open as Rae dashed out in a hurry. Shinobi instantly sobered up and left to follow. She wasn't hard to find considering that she was the source of the shrill sound. Many more shinobi came out disgruntled from sleep but ready for anything.

They all ended up in the woman's apartment and the shrill sound stopped. Three shinobi followed her inside while the others waited outside the apartment and on the surrounding building roofs. There was nothing to note in the place and nothing seemed to be out of place. But none of them had gone in here before to know. Rae immediately went to the room in the far corner of the apartment and as they followed, they heard her curse.

There was nothing inside the room that stood out. And that was probably the most worrying of all. Everyone knows that Rae lived with two kids. And everyone knows those kids, not just because they were seen around the village in a spectacular display of chakra control in their game of Tag, but also because the kids were helping around for the reconstruction of the village.

**_"They're gone..."_ **

* * *

"Let _us_ do this" Shibuki insisted as he stood in front of the foreign woman. Rae is dressed for war with ninja pouches and scroll straps in every easily reachable place. Who knew she was stocking up this many weapons with her?

But the determined woman ignored the genin-turned-leader. Beside him, Suien merely looked on, not encouraging or stopping her. Some Takigakure shinobi also stood behind them, some voicing their wish to come with her and some only watching on tensely. These are the people Rae had saved during the invasion.

"I'll do this on my own" Rae finally said as she was done checking her pack. Honestly, she didn't have much. Since she was determined to leave the Shinobi life while she was here, she didn't exactly purchase quality weapons. The only ones in her pack are the standard grade kunai and shuriken in the amount of two dozen. It was supposed to be enough to protect themselves from attacks and not the other way around. "The enemy is not someone you can handle"

"And **_you_** can?" the teen asked.

Rae froze for a moment before straightening up. "I can bloody well try"

"Rae-san!" Shibuki protested. "You're not even a ninja!"

"I don't have to be anything to rescue my family" Rae glared. "Besides, the village needs as much shinobi within its walls after that invasion fiasco. What we have here right now are still injured, intoxicated, and tired from the previous duty. Now don't be a troublesome little shit and let me handle this on my own."

"...But!" Shibuki scrambled for anything to say. "You could die! This person infiltrated our village without anyone noticing and left without a trace! He's clearly someone dangerous and well out of your league!"

"Don't underestimate me kid" Rae glared. "You don't know me well enough to know what I am capable of"

And that shut him up.

"Then at least take these" Another shinobi spoke, hands digging into his pouches and handling his weapons to her. "It's the least we can do to help"

And just like that, the other shinobi present followed the example. Within minutes, Rae was handed with hundreds of kunai and shuriken; and more than a couple of paperbomb seals.

"T-thank you" She stood there, stunned and with an armful of weapons. How she managed to remain unscathed is only thanks to her training and friendship with Tenten who she helps clean up when they go out to spar. Jerking out of her stupor, Rae sealed the weapons within the seal she had drawn beforehand on her right wrist. She'll deal with the disorganized weapons later when she's not in front of her now stupefied audience.

With a deep breath, Rae bowed. "Thank you for your help and support. I'm afraid that I must now go." 

And with a final glance around, she disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

* * *

**[FUTURE]**

Shikamaru is close to tearing his hair off.

There are multiple piles of paper on the ground around him. He could now understand what Zen meant when she said that her work was already "organized" when the Godaime demanded it to be.

One pile consisted of punctured parchments; they are book clippings and handwritten notes. Another pile was the array drafts where both inked and penciled were segregated. And furthermore, he segregated the seal arrays he remembered Zen making and wrote notes what he remembered they are supposed to be for. Another pile consisted of drawings of unfamiliar places and unfamiliar people. And the last pile was a book filled with unfamiliar writings and parchments of paper with the similar writings. He wants to think that they are coded messages but he had never seen anything like it. Even the trip to the library proved to be futile when he didn't see anything resembling the writing pattern. It's been a week but he couldn't make heads or tails on any of the piles.

He was startled out of his thoughts when there was a short knock on the door. He didn't even have the chance to say his consent before it was opened. His parents stood by the open door worriedly. He could only sigh. He already saw this coming.

He was expecting to get a scolding or a demand to stop but instead, he got their support.

"What are you working on?" his father asked as he stepped inside and carefully maneuvered around the minefield of paper piles. "Maybe I can help"

He was followed by his mother with a tray of snacks which she placed on the bed, the only place that is relatively clear of papers.

"This looks like holes made by pins" She pointed out as she held up the punctured paper. He nodded, he noticed that the first time he saw it and deduced as much. But not the next bit his mother said. "This could all be connected"

"... connected?" Shikamaru asked. It was probably the stress and lack of sleep, but why hadn't he thought of that before? Rummaging through the pile, there was no indication that they were pinned on top of each other but he had already noticed a few parchments with tape. He turned to the said pile where he remembered putting them in and separated them into another pile beside the punctured ones. His parents immediately zoomed in to the piles and tried pairing the parchments.

Who knew figuring out one woman would need three Nara heads?

He could only sigh in thought as her smiling image flashed in his mind's eye. His quiet muttering was heard by his parents but none of them commented on it. They could only smile secretly as they heard their son mutter something familiar that they hadn't heard in a while since the war.

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_"Troublesome woman"_ **


	17. Dream II

When Rae found herself back inside the familiar four walls of her apartment room, she knew she was dreaming. And with that realization, she finally _**lost it**_. She swiped the contents off her table with a frustrated shout and it all clattered on the ground loudly. But such destruction was not enough to appease her chaotic mind. Walking past the clattered stationery, she headed straight out of her apartment. She has a single destination in mind.

* * *

Kiba was having a nice stroll around the village with a beautiful woman when he saw a ghost walk past him. I mean, if someone you know who was dead just walked past you... what would _you_ think?

But the more unnerving part was that she wasn't even on a stroll like him. She was powerwalking through the crowd, shouldering her way past them. And even from this distance, he could feel the killing intent she was desperately keeping a lid on. He now understands why she didn't take the highway. For someone who has monstrous strength and could easily upened the earth with a single punch, she'd probably destroy the houses if she took to the roofs with that much killing intent.

 ** _Zen looked like a woman on a warpath._**

And Kiba doesn't want to be on the receiving end of it. Dream or not. With a shudder, Kiba guided his date away from where his friend had just headed. He'll follow her when her head's colder than the weather in the Land of Snow.

* * *

When Rae was finally out of the civilian crowd and had set foot on the tower, she let go of her control and dashed through the hallway and towards the Hokage Office. All shinobi she passed by pressed their backs to the wall to let her through without a hitch and those that couldn't (greenhorn genins that are terrified and frozen in place) she easily maneuvered around. She didn't care whether she is scaring anybody shitless.

**_She has a destination and a goal in mind._ **

**_And that destination is just up ahead._ **

Five ANBU dropped down in front of her just when she was thinking of barging in the office. But of course, that is impossible. She was currently a danger to the Hokage and must be stopped.

Couldn't they see that she went out of her way to announce that she's here instead of just appearing inside with all the pent up frustration she has? Where's their courtesy to return the one she's showing?

Growling, she shunshin-ed directly inside the office. Something she should've done from the start. And just as expected, seven ANBU appeared around her with their tanto drawn and pointed scant millimeters away from her throat and five vital organs. Another two stood on each side of the Hokage with their weapons drawn and ready.

"Z... Zen-chan?" Was the Hokage's choked whisper.

Rae ignored the fact that it was Kakashi who was sitting on that chair. She knew from the start that he'd be wearing the hat. Seeing him owning the office was old news to her.

"I need the location of all of Orochimaru's laboratories" She demanded, not missing a beat. **_"Every single one of them"_**

 _"Orochimaru's laboratories?"_ Kakashi was confused. After all the months that he didn't see his student, the first thing she asks is the Sannin's hideouts of all things. He signaled his guards to back down and with only a little hesitation, they disappeared back to where they were initially hiding.

Kakashi knew he was dreaming, but never in his wildest of dreams had his mind conjured this scenario before... well, until now.

"Weren't you the one compiling them before?" Kakashi asked, totally unsure of what is happening. As far as he knows, Orochimaru had returned to ally himself with the Leaf. So what else is Zen doing, hunting down the labs?

"The ones I remember him owning doesn't exist anymore!" the frustration was clear in her voice. "I want every single location we know, sensei!" And there, something within that frustration, Kakashi saw the desperation she tries to keep hidden. "All records dating back to the Sandaime's rule"

Gesturing her to follow, Kakashi led her to the Archives Room.

"Most of the records we have from the time of Sandaime were either lost or destroyed in the invasion of Akatsuki" Kakashi reminded her. "I'm not sure if the records on the lab locations were recovered"

"I'd comb every single file if I have to, sensei" Rae replied, her determination never wavering.

She was about to start her search when she was stopped by a hand on her shoulder. Looking up at her sensei in question, she was surprised when Kakashi enveloped her in his arms.

**_"I don't know what's happening but I'm glad you came to me first"_ **

The embrace is warm and Kakashi's voice is thick with sincerity. It makes Rae's frustration simmer.

Sighing, Rae returned the embrace and whined "You're making me calm down, sensei. How am I supposed to ransack this room if I'm calm?"

That earned her a chuckle in return and Kakashi stepped back. Messing her hair the way he did before when they were still greenhorn genins, "That's good then. You're not supposed to turn the archives upside-down"

Sighing, Rae nodded. "Hai~ Hai~"

And without further ado, she started sifting through the papers on the shelf nearest to her. And to her great joy, they were already labeled and categorized. It was just a matter of finding the right one.

It took her a minute to realize that she was being watched. Looking at the direction of the feeling, she saw that Kakashi is still there. Sitting on a chair he procured from somewhere.

"You're still here?" Rae blinked in confusion.

"Am I not allowed to?" Kakashi replied with his own question.

"I didn't say that" Rae argued. "Don't you have Kage duties?"

"I do" He agreed. "I'd do them later"

"Why?" Rae shook her head and went back to scanning the labels on each shelf.

"Because I'm watching over my student" Kakashi replied honestly.

"I'd be fine on my own" She insisted.

"I know" He agreed. "I just don't want you out of my sight"

Rae glanced back at him with a frown. "Don't you trust me on my own?"

"It's not like that" Kakashi sighed. "I haven't seen you in almost two years"

"What?" Her eyes widened in surprise.

"It's been almost two years since the war, Zen" Kakashi said. His grief, sadness, and regret projected in his voice. Laid bare for her to receive. "It's almost two years since you... went missing"

Rae heard something different from that momentary pause. **_Died._**

That was what she heard instead of what was said.

**_Something's wrong here..._ **

Rae shouldn't be dreaming like this. Dreams are not supposed to be like this... Everything is too real. The emotions are too pure... The feelings, the senses, and the real-time situations are too real to be considered something conjured by a restless mind...

**_What's happening here...?_ **

She thought for sure that if this wasn't a dream, then at least she'd be in her own mindscape. Walking through memory lane with the power to recall the small details from the past. That's why she came to the Hokage to ask for the reports. She saw those reports before and whatever she didn't subconsciously remember would come forth if she dug deeper because she's a firm believer that people don't forget, they just misplace the details within their mind and would eventually remember when they searched hard enough.

And before she knew it, she was startled awake. She was back in the past, in the forest where she decided to camp out. It has been three days and nights since the kids were taken, and this was her first rest in a while. For three days she relentlessly scoured through the land around Takigakure. Her next destination is the land next to it where the Mountains' Graveyard is located. If she still fails to find them, she'd go to Oto. She doesn't know when Otogakure was founded but going there might be something.

Standing up with a sigh, Rae decided to table that dream for another time. Right now, she has a kidnapper to track down, and getting sidelined is not an option.

* * *

Back in the future, Kakashi woke up with sore muscles. He didn't realize that he fell asleep while working.

"Maybe the stress is getting to me more than I think it does?" he murmured as he looked out the window and into the dark night sky. Either way, it's a nice change. Dreaming of his student outside his memories. For a moment, it felt like she was here with them... as if she never even left.


	18. [Untitled]

Deep bags and dark circles were prominent on Rae's eyes as sleep eluded her for three weeks. Not that she could help it when there was not a time when she didn't feel watched. It took two weeks until she finally unearthed an abandoned laboratory within the dense forest of the Mountains' Graveyard. And another week until she finally met her observant.

A sickly pale, deformed, mutated human half-merged with the ground was waiting for her past the entrance to an underground passage she had just discovered.

"What'cha looking for?" He asked with a cheerful grin as if conversing with an old friend.

"Orochimaru" Rae replied flatly. "Is he anywhere near here?"

She's not in the mood to give any fucks about White Zetsu right now. She has a mission to accomplish and dealing with White Zetsu is not on her list.

"He's not here" The plant-like man replied with a shrug.

"Do you know where he is?" She asked with gritted teeth. She's at her wits' end and the guy's happy disposition is not helping her one bit.

"Hmm..." The man then posed like he's thinking of something, and with him half merged with the ground, it looked incredibly ridiculous. "let's see..."

.

.

.

"... I don't know." was what he said but his voice suggested otherwise.

In a blink of the eye, Rae is gripping the man by the throat with a kunai in the other hand and firmly pressed on his jugular. For a moment White Zetsu pretended to be intimidated before laughing giddily.

"Doesn't work on me~!" He almost sang before Rae crushed his head to mush.

.

.

.

"Violent, aren't we?" The same voice asked from somewhere behind her. Instincts kicked in and she jumped to stick to the ceiling in a defensive stance. A step away from her previous position stood Zetsu's real body with the half part with Black Zetsu, two Venus flytrap-like extensions on their sides, and with the Akatsuki robe on. In his hand was an extended kunai that would've sliced her throat if she hadn't moved.

"You annoyed me" Rae replied, stretching her sensory field. This was one of those moments she wished she was a sensory ninja. If she was, she'd had no problem keeping track of her field while she focuses on conversing. Or maybe she should've been a tracker ninja instead? She'd have the kids by now if she had been one.

"That's still violence!" The man argued. "You shouldn't kill anyone just because they annoyed you! Oh my poor brother~!"

"Are you done?" Rae asked after a few seconds of the other's theatric wailing.

"Rude~!" The other sighed dramatically while one hand gingerly held his head and shaking it in disappointment.

"Tell me where Orochimaru is and I'll leave whatever it is you're hiding here" Rae glared down at the plant man.

He didn't even tense but the quiet he let reign in the narrow passageway was too alarming for Rae to ignore.

"He's at the hideout" He finally replied.

"Huh?" Rae took a double-take. What?

"He's at our hideout" Zetsu replied and then pointed at his black and red robe. "See this? He's part of our group now, so he's back at the hideout"

"And where is that hideout you speak of?" Rae asked. If the little shit says it's all the way across to the Land of Rivers like she remembered it to be, she'll start cracking skulls around here.

.

.

.

"In the Land of Rivers!"

A dense killing intent suddenly flooded the small space they occupied that even the plant-man staggered back.

* * *

"That woman is insanely violent!" White Zetsu cried when he emerged into a dark room.

"Did she leave?" A figure within the shadows asked as he dismissed the White Zetsu clone in front of him. One three-tomoed red eye studied the new arrival.

"Yeah!" The other nodded in confirmation. "Are you sure we should've told her where Orochimaru and the hideout is? We could've just killed her here"

"If she's got the guts to hunt down a Sannin, then she's bound to be interesting" The other replied, unconcerned.

* * *

Rae ignored the black spots on her vision as she made quick work on covering grounds to quickly cross to the Land of Fire. She'd be using that route to cut through the days instead of going around the border. She ignored the concerned looks thrown at her by the sentinels as she passed through the border check-point in the Land of Fire and as she was preparing to hop to the trees, fatigue hit her like a sledgehammer and she dropped like a dead woman.

* * *

The next time Rae opened her eyes, she was back in her apartment in Konoha. Sighing in defeat, she merely stared at her ceiling blankly. There's no use forcing herself awake, her mind and body are too tired that she'd probably go back under right after. For three weeks, the only thing keeping her up are the small nicks she inflicts on herself with or without heating the kunai with chakra before inflicting the damage. Rolling up her sleeves, she stared at the numerous glaring red lines across it. Another sigh left her lips as she studied her arms. If she wasn't a medic, the cuts would've been infected by now. Ideally, she would've only cut a few and douse it with antiseptic every now and then, but her pack didn't include that.

"Should've squeezed some lime on it" She muttered absently as she dropped her arm across her eyes heavily. She groaned as she still felt tired even in her dream.

Her stomach rumbled loudly in the silent room but she ignored it and turned on her bed.

* * *

Shikamaru stopped on his action to open the door with his hand still latched on the doorknob when he heard an unmistakable crash and a loud yelp from inside the supposedly vacant apartment. Well, from the sound inside... apparently not.

Knocking on the door, he asked "Are you alright?"

"No" was the muffled reply and he waited for a few seconds but the door did not open as he expected it to.

"May I come in?" He asked after another minute of silence.

"The door's open" was the reply and when he held the doorknob again, he heard the uncertainty on her next words. "... I think?"

"It's not" He replied as he tried turning the doorknob again but to no avail. A loud groan was heard from inside but still, the door did not open.

"Is everything alright in there?" He asked worriedly. Normally, she would've already opened the door by now.

"There's a small seal on top of the doorframe," she said instead. And he looked up to inspect the said seal. It was a small note the size of a candy with the sealing array for a storage seal.

It was a standard sealing array and he didn't need further instructions to know what to do next. So after swiping a bit of blood on the seal, out popped a spare key and the seal crumbled to dust. Using the key, he finally unlocked the door, only to be greeted by the host lying spread-eagle on the floor.

"Zen!" He called out in alarm as he dashed towards her, but the said woman only looked at him in defeat. "Are you alright?"

"Shika" She sighed as he sat her up gingerly. "I'm hungry"

"Wha--?" He stopped in his inspection of any injuries to stare at her in confusion.

"I ran out of rations last week" She whined "So I had nothing to eat but barks, wild berries, and mushrooms"

"Just where had you been?" He asked in bewilderment as he tried to discern any traces on her but there's none. She's scrubbed clean and wearing clean low-quality ninja clothes that might as well pass as civilian clothes.

"Mountains' Graveyard" She replied and then she repeated in a whine. "I'm hungryyyy"

"Alright" He nodded as he scooped her up. She felt weightless in his arms as he easily carried her to her sofa in the sitting room. "You at least have food in here, right?"

"Dunno" She replied absently, her mind still on the lingering feeling of his strong arms on her person. Ignoring the pain in her muscles, Rae forced herself to curl up on her side to hide her blushing face. Taking deep breaths, she forced herself to calm down.

"Can you even cook?" She asked her companion when she was finally stable enough. She heard him rifling through her fridge and cabinets; she doesn't even know if she has grocery stocks.

"There's nothing to eat here!" He replied when he came back to the sitting room. And as if she's not embarrassed enough, her stomach decided to let itself known by roaring like a damn beast. Red colored her face once again and she buried her face on the backrest of her sofa.

"What food do you want?" He asked instead, "I'll go get it for you"

"Hm-ophn"

"What?" He asked, not catching what she said.

"Ramen" She murmured quietly.

"Okay" He nodded. "I'll be back"

He was about to leave when she called him back again.

"Could you get my pill bottle in my room before you go?" She asked.

"Where are they placed?" He asked as he walked towards the said room.

"Just on top of my table" She replied.

* * *

When Shikamaru entered the said room, he was taken aback at the destruction within. Books, papers, pencils, brushes, and other stationery littered the floor. The desk in question is turned on its side on the floor and a bottle of ink was spilled dry not far away from it.

"What happened in here?" He murmured quietly as he further studied the destruction. The parchments on the floor were familiar enough as he has them in his possession and had been studying them for weeks. Looking around the room, he saw a wall full of paper stuck on it with pins and tapes. He could only gape as he finally had a picture of what those notes finally look like when together. It turns out, they are all connected in more ways than they thought. With strings looped on the pins, the notes made more sense when connected. And the drawings he had originally thought to be just imaginary drafts are even connected to the spider-web of notes.

As he took another step closer to the wall, he felt his foot come in contact with a bottle that gave a noise of hard pills. It was the bottle he came in here to retrieve. Uncapping the bottle and peeking inside, he was instantly greeted with the familiar scent of soldier pills. But instead of what he was familiar with, the pills were way smaller in size and more different in texture. It was smoother instead of the standard gritty on their rations.

Looking one last time back at the wall of answered mysteries, he went back out of the room, only to be greeted with **_an empty sitting room._**

"Where did she go?"

* * *

Back in the waking world, Rae woke up with incredibly sore muscles. The first thing she noticed upon waking up is the wooden ceiling. It was dark but there was a lighted candle by the bedside table to her left. Not far from the bed she was occupying is a man watching her. She couldn't see his features clearly because of the low candle light but he wore the standard Konoha shinobi attire with his hitai-ate tied around his forehead.

"How long was I out?" She rasped as her eyes connected with his. She didn't bother standing up, she knows how futile that action would be. It would only drain her energy.

"Two nights" Was the short reply.

"Ahh... I see..." She sighed. "I'm sorry to bother you further but do you have anything I could eat?"

"I'll go get someone"

A few minutes later, a woman came in with a bowl of steaming soup. "This is all we have left for today."

Similar to the man, she wore the standard Konoha shinobi attire with her hitai-ate tied around her neck.

"I'm grateful for it nonetheless" Rae replied humbly as she tried to sit up with much difficulty.

"What was your name again?" She asked as she handed the bowl of soup. They probably already know considering she had presented her identification papers before and she doubts that there had been anybody else who came in from that direction in the border. And it was highly possible that they had full-body checked her and her items while she was out cold for days.

"Rae" She replied after a few spoonfuls of soup.

"Nice to meet you! My name is Yua and I was the one who checked you over" The woman, Yua, introduced herself as she dragged over a chair beside her cot. "If I didn't know that beyond this border is nothing but denser forest, I'd think you're running away from slavery."

Rae paused mid-slurp to look at the other woman in confusion.

"Lack of sleep, lack of water, and lack of nutrients" She ticked off on her fingers. "Your skin is dry and you're horrifyingly thin. You're malnourished. And the circles around your eyes are darker than my friend's heart" She pointed at her said friend who was watching them sternly from the shadows. "Those are signs of excessive working."

"I'm looking for someone" She admitted.

"Who?" Was the curious question.

"Someone who had kidnapped my sisters" Rae's previous dull eyes sharpened. "Rest wasn't an option when you're hunting a psychotic bastard like that"

"Why don't you employ shinobi from the Hidden Villages?" The other woman asked. "Surely employing skilled shinobi would guarantee a higher success rate in retrieving your sisters?"

"I'd rather find them on my own than sit around twiddling my thumbs" Rae shrugged as she finished the bowl of soup. "So it's not really an option"

There was silence as Yua stared at her in bewilderment. She was about to say something but decided against it.

"If you say so..." was what she said instead. "Rest up, there would be a much more filling meal by tomorrow"

"Thank you for your hospitality but I must decline as I need to leave at first light" Rae replied with a respectful bow. "My source had told me that the man I'm looking for is in the Land of Rivers and I'm afraid that I'd miss him if I stayed any longer"

"You haven't recovered yet!" Yua gasped, "You need more rest than a couple of hours"

Rae silently agreed but didn't dare voice it out. "I would've rested enough by then"

The other woman could only look back incredulously and in bewilderment. When there was no more sign that she was going to be spoken to, Rae laid back on the bed, and immediately, sleep came to her.


	19. The Moment of Truth

**[FUTURE]**

Iruka sighed as he looked at his two former students in front of him. These days, it is not a peculiar sight to see the infamous new Ino-Shika-Cho to be missing a team member but it still sends a pang of sadness in his heart. Ever since the war has ended, Shikamaru had continuously gone on back-to-back solo missions. But now that he has finally stayed in the village for more than a week, he then decided to lock himself up.

He had always known that Zen liked Shikamaru just like Hinata liked Naruto. She just didn't bother with it until practically the whole village found out. What he didn't know was that Shikamaru might have felt the same way. It's depressing that the young Nara hadn't realized it sooner.

They did say, _**you don't know how important someone really is until you lose them.**_

With another sigh, Umino Iruka handed a scroll over to Ino and only distantly listened as the Rokudaime Hokage debriefed the two on their escort mission. As the grueling hours went on, noon has finally come and his desk duty was over.

He didn't know why but as his mind begins to wander, his feet brought him in front of the Nara Clan compound. He could only sigh as he realized where he was. In his worry for his former students, his feet led him to the (currently) most problematic one.

"Iruka-sensei?" a curious voice called. "What are you doing here?"

Looking back at the caller, Iruka met the one he is worrying most for.

"Shikamaru-kun" He greeted back. "I was just going to check up on you"

It only took a second on Shikamaru's part to understand why.

"I'm fine, sensei" He grinned at his former instructor. "Would you like to come in? Mom would be happy to finally have a guest over"

And how could Iruka possibly decline after hearing that last bit? So as he followed him towards the main house, he took this time to study his former student. Although Shikamaru hasn't been leaving for missions, he still wore the standard shinobi attire with his flak jacket. There were also dark circles under his eyes and he looked more tired as if he had not slept for days.

"I heard that you've been locking yourself up in your room," Iruka said after a moment.

"Ah," Shikamaru scratched his cheek with a finger. "I was just busy studying something"

That made Iruka chuckle weakly. "I never thought I'd see the day"

When they reached the main house, Nara Yoshino, the clan matriarch, ushered them to the porch and then busied herself making snacks.

"Everyone's worried that you'd overwork yourself," Iruka said quietly. "You haven't left for a mission lately but you look like you had just come back from one"

Shikamaru sighed and then looked out to the sky. "I'm dealing with something troublesome right now"

"Can I help?" The older shinobi asked and gave a small encouraging smile as the younger male looked back at him.

"There's nothing wrong in letting him try," the voice of Nara Shikaku said as he leaned by the hallway.

"Shikaku-sama" Iruka stood up and bowed in greeting.

"Well?" the Nara Clan Head looked at his son with a raised brow which he earned a groan from.

"Fine..." Shikamaru replied as he stood up and beckoned his former instructor to follow him.

The breath left Iruka's lungs as soon as he stepped foot inside Shikamaru's room and saw the familiar chaos inside.

"A-aren't these..." He stuttered, "Zen's...?"

"How did you know?" Shikamaru whirled on the older man in shock.

"She's been working on this since back in the academy" Iruka replied absently as he approached the web of pinned parchments with threads connecting them. "It's a story"

"A story?" Shikamaru asked with a frown.

Iruka looked back at his former student as he asked, "Are you familiar with **_'The Tale of a Lost Soul'_** ?"

At the other's negative response, Iruka immediately went on to explain...

"It's a short story of a woman who had nothing left to live for anymore and unhesitantly took her own life. But her desperate plea for death led her to be reborn in a new world." The scarred man then pointed at the web of parchments on the wall. "What you have here are story notes for all three parts: **'Life After Death', 'Unrequited',** and **'** **Goodbye'**."

"They're... story notes...?" Shikamaru looked back at the said wall as he slowly shook his head. "It doesn't make sense though..."

"It wasn't initially a story when she started to collect these." Iruka explained, "At first, she only wanted to read some random books in the library because she still wasn't sure of what she wanted to specialize in..." He pointed at one of the parchments with nonsensical writings. "but when you guys graduated and she started learning Fuinjutsu, she began writing these bits of ideas"

"It takes too much concentration to study Fuinjutsu... One wrong move and the seal would blow up" He looks over the rest of the web of threads and papers in nostalgia. "So when something else crosses her mind while studying, she'd set aside what she's currently doing to accommodate the new idea."

"How did you know about this?" Shikaku asked from the door with his wife beside him.

"I was the one who taught Zen-chan how to read and write kanji" The younger scarred man answered. "And I helped translate some book passages for her, so I know the references she used."

After a moment of silence, Iruka addressed the youngest Nara in the room, "I suggest you read the book first" Then, he pointed at one of the papers with unfamiliar writings. "I'll help you translate these after"

* * *

"Do you have a copy of **_'The Tale of a Lost Soul'_**?" Shikamaru asked the clerk behind the counter and was promptly pointed to a certain shelf.

The book in question was a simple one. A black paperback book with minimal design. Aside from the title printed in bold white letters, at the center of the front cover, below the title was a large kanji for **'Soul'**. At the bottom of the cover are two hiragana characters that read "REI".

When he came back to the counter with a copy of the book in hand, the clerk immediately wrung it up.

"It's a beautiful book," The clerk commented offhandedly as he accepted the book back. He could only nod at that and leave quietly.

* * *

**[PAST]**

Rae grinned as she thanked her lucky stars. Only halfway through the Land of Fire and she already saw her target in the distance. As she approached her target, she took out a soldier pill from her pouch and immediately consumed it. Once feeling the pill taking effect, she gathered her chakra and leaped off from the tree with her right arm cocked back.

"SNAKE FACE!" She shouted as she descended on him.

.

.

.

There was a deafening explosion as the ground shook with jarring tremors. In a split second, a large crater was formed on the ground. And in the middle of it, unbothered by the rain of debris and dust, stood a lone woman glaring at the unharmed man outside the crater she created.

"That was dangerous," The missing-nin commented, yellow eyes alight with interest.

"You shouldn't have taken my sisters from me then" The woman replied.

"Taken?" The man questioned, "If I remember correctly, you were the one who took my daughter from me. So essentially, I just took back what is mine. Little Zen even volunteered to come with us."

"Where are they?" Rae demanded.

"Saa..." The man smirked. "Who knows?"

* * *

For the first time in his life, Itachi was at a loss for words. One moment, he was just getting ready for Orochimaru's sneak attack on him, and then by the next second, they were being attacked by another... or at least only attacking Orochimaru.

Itachi could tell that the woman was well-aware of his presence but chose not to drag him into the fight. She also was careful not to show her back to him, always having both him and Orochimaru in her line of sight.

He wouldn't have thought that she was a shinobi if she hadn't just uppened the ground he was just previously standing on. She looks plain, and her clothes are of lower quality. With his Sharingan active, her features are magnified and he could see the tone in her muscles, a sign that she's physically fit and built like any other trained shinobi. She also wields her weapons with ease and uses her chakra like a glove.

**_She is a trained shinobi... but not enough to match Orochimaru of the Sannin._ **

Even as the woman unsealed a tanto from the seal on her wrist, she could still not match Orochimaru's skills and experiences.

His speculation was proven true when not a moment later, the woman was thrown back and harshly crashed into a tree.

.

.

.

A kunai flew through the air but came in short and landed scant millimeters from Orochimaru's sandalled feet. There was a quiet stillness before the Snake Sannin cracked up laughing in mockery.

"That was all you got?" He asked in a taunt, but instantly shut up.

Itachi could see his body tensing but wouldn't move... or couldn't...?

He immediately looked over the kunai the woman had thrown. There was nothing on it that was note-worthy aside from the small traces of chakra desperately clinging on it.

"Now, why don't you tell me where my sisters are?" The woman asked as she stood up and calmly approached the immobile Sannin.

"What have you done to me?" Orochimaru demanded, understandably angry at being bested by a no-name woman. "What technique is this?!"

"It's **_'Shut-the-fuck-up-and-tell-me-what-I-want-to-know'_** technique" The woman sassed back.

"Cheap tricks" The Sannin sneered and released his summons from his sleeves. The small snakes didn't even reach their intended target before they were sucked inside the seal the woman held up.

"Thank you for the pets, I'll be sure to treat them well." She said in a patronizing tone. "Now, tell me where my sisters are."

Orochimaru remained silent, only looking down at the woman with an air of superiority despite his situation.

Itachi watched the minuscule movements the Sannin was making. Little by little, the woman's technique is weakening and in no time, Orochimaru would be free from it.

.

.

.

And then, Orochimaru was howling like a bitch. By his feet lay his left hand in the pool of his own blood.

 ** _"YOU BITCH!"_** The Sannin howled as he attacked the woman in rage but it was quickly intercepted by a chakra-infused punch.

Orochimaru soared back through the forest and crashed through multiple trees. When Itachi came to check on the Sannin, he was nowhere to be found.


End file.
